Ruined Sundays

As far back as I can remember in my life I have always been a die-hard Detroit Lions fan.  They have always been there; consistant, embarrassing, infuriating, and just plain down right awful.  For the 21 + years that I have been on this earth, I can remember watching Lions football for about 17 of them.  And there is not one thing that immediately comes to mind about them that brings a smile to my face

One time during my lifetime have the Lions even came within sniffing a trip to the Super Bowl, let alone winning damn thing.  So fuck you and your misery Buffalo Bills fans.  Boo hoo, we lost a ton of Super Bowls in a row.  Well at least you assholes went, you have more Super Bowl LOSSES than the Lions have total playoff victories in the past 50 seasons.  Hell even the fucking Browns at one point in this decade appeared to have hope on the horizon, something we only dream about as Lions fans.  The last season the team enjoyed any real success was the 1991-1992 season, also known as, The Last Time the Lions won the division, and won in Green Bay, and won a playoff game, and made it to a conference championship game.

Even with the greatest running back of all-time they Lions could never get any better than mediocracy.  And even he got so fed up, that he gave back his bonus to the Lions so he could walk away.  That’s right, and NFL player gave his money back to the Lions so he didn’t have to endure playing for them any longer.

Even with Barry, the Lions were still terrible.

As pathetic as all that sounds, those would be considered the glory years of my NFL watching experience.  Since 2001, there has been without question, no worse of a franchise than the Lions.  The Millen era, even though its been over for more than a year, never fails to get a laugh out of people when looking for an NFL joke.

Then there was last season.  0 and fucking 16.  Sixteen games played.  Sixteen games lost.  It dawned on me in about week 8 of last season that they might not win a game.  I turned to my roommate after looking at their remaining schedule, and seriously told him that I didn’t think they had a winnable game left on the schedule.  I was right.  Yet, all the while, I kept watching.  Like a train wreck, I could not look away.  Outside of Calvin Johnson, I’m pretty sure that the casual NFL fan could not name one other player on the Lions that season.

This about sums it up.

We hoped that things would get better with the firing of Matt Millen, and even I thought that hope appeared to be heading our way.  The new front office guys, even if they were part of the Millen era, seemed to know what they were doing, fleecing the Cowboys of draft picks for the world’s biggest asshole, Roy Williams.  And signing good veteran players like Larry Foote, and a trading for LB Jullian Petterson.  Like a dummy, I started drinking the Kool-Aid that the Lions actually might have hope.  Then again, after you lose every fucking game, there’s nowhere to go but up.

This season has been no better, yeah we’ve won a game, but big fucking deal, we beat Washington, people celebrated one damn win.  That’s how embarrassing it’s gotten, one win, and the players are running into the stands, and crying on the field.  Je-sus, I can only imagine what would happen if we somehow manage to stumble into another win this season.  Champagne? Hats? Banner? Bronze likeness of Jim Schwartz out side the stadium?

Things haven’t gotten any better for this team.  The past two games have been, in my opinion more embarrassing than nearly any time in the Millen era.

Last week, they took on the Rams, and were favored to win, for the first time in 20 games.  They came out and laid a fucking egg.  10 points against the Rams, and classic defensive collapse that allowed the Rams to score late for the win, 6 first half drops.  Mind you, this was all coming out of the teams bye week.  They had two fucking weeks to prepare for that game, and still shit the bed.  I watched this game with a couple buddies, and after the loss, one of them tried to look at the positives, something along the lines of draft positioning.  I about punched him in the sack, called him a dumbass, and then choked him.  He ended the conversation by saying and I kid you not: “I’m just trying to look at the silver lining in this game.”

Shut the fuck up.  There is no silver lining in losing to the Rams, a team who had lost almost as many in a row as us.  Who was an underdog to us, a team that people thought we SHOULD beat.  We had two weeks to prepare, and still lost to the fucking Rams.  There is no silver lining to that.  Looking for the silver lining in losing to the Rams is like looking for the silver lining in shitting your pants.  Oh boy, am I warm!  No idiot, you stink, you’re embarrassing, and nobody wants to be around you.  That’s what it’s like losing to the Rams.

Then, yesterday, that game encompassed the Lions exactly as I had seen them for my entire life.  If you sat down, and watched only the first quarter of that game, one in which the Lions jumped out to a 17-0 lead on the road, and had no idea about their record or their past,  you would have sworn you were watching a perennial playoff team, and one of the best offenses in the NFL.

Then the Lions remembered that they’re the Lions, and gave up 25 straight points, threw 5 interceptions, one of which was ran back to a TD, that allowed the Seahawks to cover the spread.  And just plain wilted away for a 32-2o loss.  In true Lions fashion, they got it to within 5 points, got the ball back, and gave you that glimmer of hope, that they might actually pull one out.  They threw a pick six, and that was that.

At halftime of that game, I sent a friend a question: “Thoughts on the 2nd half of the game?”  His answer? “Just hoping that they don’t lose.  But I have every bit of faith they will.”

That last sentence describes exactly how Lions fans feel about this organization.  We have become so numb to the losing, that we don’t even expect the team to win, even when they are winning the current game.  We have absolute faith that they will, in some way, get the job done, and blow it.  And they almost always do.

Even before that game ended, I posted this on my facebook page:

“every sunday i sit down and watch the Lions, and nearly every sunday, they ruin my day, why the fuck do i still sit down every week, and watch this shitty fucking team, there is no hope for them”

One person liked this.

One person said “you can always wear purple”

My response? “fuck you”

For some reason, I will always watch this team, and root for them until the day I die.  I have no idea why.  Maybe it’s the underdog factor, that someday you might see that amazing upset that makes it all worth while.  Or maybe, it is clinging to the hope that someday it actually might get better, and we won’t be the butt of every NFL joke.

They might have found a decent starting QB in Matthew Stafford, but you wouldn’t know it based on yesterday.  They still have Calvin Johnson, who if he ever got some help, could be the best WR in the league.  But they still have no defense.  This season is already over for them.  There is no playoff hope, only the hope that they will almost assuredly have another Top 5 pick in the next draft.

Maybe he can guide us to the promise land...mediocracy.

But I will keep watching, I will never stop watching them.  They may be terrible, they may be a joke to everyone, but they are still my team.  While they may be embarrassing on the field, I’m still not embarrassed to say it: I am a Lions fan.

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