Spoiler Alert: If you make it past the jump YOU HAVE TO VOTE!
Okay, well you don't really have to. But it'd be nice!
I figured it would be fun to have a little mock election/award ceremony for POD. This is all in good fun, and if you wind up getting voted in after results are tallied, you should be proud of your accomplishment! Even if it's not the most flattering of awards, just remember this: you're on people's minds. That's good, right?
No arguing about people's choices, just cast your votes and have some fun! We'll see who gets what awards once we get a sizable number of votes.
1) Most likely to incite an argument
The "Brett Favre" Award
If words are flowing through this person's keyboard, there's good money to be had if you're betting it's going to incite an argument from someone. Whether it's presenting an unpopular opinion, being overly critical, or just having a different view of things, count on this person to always bring the heat... to themselves and others.
2) Most likely to win an argument
The "Jerry Rice" Award
When the recipient of the "Brett Favre" award makes a post, and the following argument happens, this is the person who's probably going to end up with the last word at the end of it... and probably be correct while he does it. Whether it boils down to complete mockery and GIF posting until silence ensues, or a complete statistical battery of impunity, this person will win in the end, it's only a matter of time.
3) Most likely to post a picture
The "Jenn Sterger" Award
Always making us laugh, cry, curse, and fap, this person can be counted on for one thing: to elegantly sum things up with a thousand words. Well... at least a reasonable fascimile of a thousand words.
4) Most likely to make a post longer than the original post
The "Terrell Owens" Award
Whether it's a line by line debunking of an original post, an article-worthy piece of prose in agreement, or somewhere in between, count on this POD member to make it known that they can talk about football more than you, and they're not afraid to show it.
5) Most long-winded
The "Roy Williams" Award
With cyclical logic and worthless cliches in hand, this poster delivers a one-two punch of inane theories and illogical conclusions that delivers quite a wallop. With posts that may leave you scratching your head in confusion more often than not, you better know this poster can and will talk his way into and out of a paper bag before you even knew you were talking to them about paper bags.
6) Most funny
The "Joe Namath" Award
Man, this poster is hilarious. Who cares if his football knowledge is borderline, or that he may or may not be drunk at any given moment? Regardless of whether or not their humor is intentional, this person is a cut-up in every sense of the word. Where does tihs poster come up with this stuff?
7) Debbie Downer
The "Roger Goodell" Award
Our team just won by a margin of 50. First post after the win? Debbie Downer's lampooning the Lions for various breakdowns in play from the getgo. No, there is no time for celebration! This is sports fandom we're talking about here! I don't care if he threw for 5 TDs, he hesitated for 0.015 seconds during the delayed hand-off during that touchdown run! Wrong, wrong, wrong!
8) Most ridiculous predictions
The "Jon Kitna" Award
We're coming off a terrible loss, and this poster is guaranteed to brighten your spirits by letting you know that it's not too late for a wild-card berth. Let's just win these last 10 games and we're still in this one guys!
9) Consistently best commenter
The "Peyton Manning" Award
While you'll read nary a great fanpost from them, this poster is always on the bottom half of the pages duking it out in the trenches. With great arguments, wit, and a certain style, count this poster "in" on any discussion, of any merit, any time... even if it's just to post "+1000" to a bunch of comments.
10) Consistently best blogger
The "Tom Brady" Award
Comments are for sissies. Real men blog. Before every game, after every game, during the week, offseason, draft, and any other time, this poster will make his views known in some of the most well crafted fanposts this site sees... and then probably let Peyton Manning's recipient do the commenting for them.
11) Best recurring article
The "Dynasty" Award
Like the Packers, Steelers, Patriots, and Cowboys, this recurring article is as reliable as the setting sun. The rock that holds us all together, this is sure to get tons of pageviews, tons of comments, have 5 pictures in it, and probably spawn 5 articles with 3 tangents a piece. Every. Freaking. Week. Or month. Whatever the period of recurring is. Doesn't matter. When everything else is trashy romance novels, this is the Twilight Series.
12) Best newcomer
The "Tim Toone" Award
Maybe they joined a week ago and have lit it up ever since, and maybe they've been following for a long time but have never been vocal until now. Regardless of the reason, this guy stands out in your mind when you do a personal google of the words "best" and "new".
13) Best old timer
The "Jason Hanson" Award
Maybe they were here from the beginning, or maybe they've only been here for a couple seasons. If you remember them blogging during the 0-16, they might be an old timer. With dedication and grace, they make it known POD is one of their things to do through the day, and they've made it known for a while now.
The "Ndamukong Suh" Award
If you've never seen this person cuss, flame, or bait anyone into an argument, they might be a decent person. If you count the people you know that are nicer than this person, you probably don't get past your seventh finger or so before you're stumped for anyone else. If your teeth kind of hurt from this candy ass, this poster just might well be the real deal.
15) Not so Nicest
The "Dominic Raiola" Award
If the person they're replying to actually managed to curse before they did (they probably didn't), you can bet they'll win in both quantity and quality of harshness when all is said and done. Guaranteed to turn a debate into an argument in no time flat, this person goes 0 to 60 in the time it takes to type a four letter word.
16) Most likely to correct your facts
The "Jim Schwartz" Award
If the phrase "Well, actually..." sparks anyone to your mind, it's probably your vote for this award. Whether it's nitpicking over grammar when there's nothing better to do, or piping in on statistical minutiae that even the NFL Network doesn't keep track of, this person will get their jabs in quietly, discretely, and annoyingly.
17) Biggest diehard
The "Spartan" Award
Born in Portsmouth, this poster moved to Detroit at a young age, and has followed the Lions ever since. It doesn't matter what this person's team does, they will not relent. They are super bowl bound next year, and they're the next dynasty. Period. No, you won't sway them, don't even try. This is their team, so back off.
18) Best Monday Morning QB
The "Drew Stanton" Award
When hindsight is 20/20, this person bats 1.000 every Monday. Quick to point out flaws and things that need to be fixed, this poster has all the time in the world to pick apart mistakes and offer reliable alternatives for the future. Even if it means benching pro-bowl starters, this person would turn this franchise around in a heartbeat. Move over Mayhew, this recipient's stepping in.
19) POD MVP
The "Sean Yuille" Award
They're the best... around! Nothing's ever gonna keep them down! This person is undisputedly the MVP of POD. Sure, they probably don't have a day job, and posting here is second only to breathing, but they earn their stripes as POD's Most Valuable Poster.
If you can, please give this a rec so people can see this and make their votes too. Let's try and get a good sample size here. No need to repeat the descriptions, just go in a straight line ticket like...
Good luck to all the nominees!