Gonna just have some fun here read at your own expense :)
So you want the truth about Matt Millen YOU WANT THE TRUTH! you can handle the truth...no truth handler you BA...I derive your truth handling abillitys... but ok POD I will tell you the deepest secret kept in the NFL the skelton in the closet. You see matt millen isn't human no he is much more than that are losing goes beyond the city of detroit it starts in the bowels of Oakland after the 1980 draft. Al davis and John Madden have the devious plan to create the linbacker of there dreams with Al davis giving project millen his black heart and bat shit craziness adding in Maddens football intelligence and player evaluation skills. The truth is Matt Millen was the greatest Linebacker ever he could pick apart defenses and eliminate players weaknesses he is a monster of pure Evil. It starts with Joe Montana you see Joe was the becon of all that was good and as we know good and evil cannot co-exsist. Millen and Joe battled many times with Millen trying to destroy him Joe cool even tried to hide his identity in a KC uniform to catch him by suprise all attempts failed and Joe was forced into retirement by the beatings at the hands of project millen. From that day foreward Millen vowed to never let another player become that becon of hope again. So he and the evil Al davis formed a plan Al would control the west coast and millen everything east of texas. Millen tricked william clay ford into thinking the monster was qualified for a job that everyone knew he was not and taking full control of the detroit lions.
Millen quickly devised the plan that would rid himself of the great barry sanders knowing he could not beat him physicaly he changed his playbook knowing that without the ball the great sanders would become frustrated and leave voulantarly because his powers would fade without the sacred object. Millen then went on a full tear to destroy all the talent he could get his hands on belive it or not Matt Millen is the greatest talent evaluator of all time and he purposely took those talents to make sure that evil still prevailed over the NFL. Some of the things millen had done were low and disgusting at that. He took the great Shaun Rogers hunger for opposing Qbs and turned it into a hunger for fast food!, He took MSU wide reciver charles rogers collar bone OUT and left him unconcious in a bath tub of ice forcing him into a drug crazed panic to relive the pain. Millen also stole the hands of texas wide reciver Roy Williams and gave him the hands of jerry jones thats why jerry needed him in dallas to get his hands back. This creature actually removed the brains of mike williams and hid them in the head of pete caroll thats why pete signed him to get his body back! He purposely hired what would have been one of the greatest coaches of all time in steve mariucci and buried him to make sure Favre or any of his Qbs never became the same becon montana was. Then it happend he found the "light" deep within the golden heart of Joey Harrington knowing he had to destroy it he took several steps, he put glue on the hands of LT jeff backus to assure holding penaltys so that Joey could not make the plays that were a sure thing, then he hired out to have Joey beatin down to weakin him going as far as paying off the KGB. With Harrington weak Millen removed the golden heart of joey melting it into a ball and burying it in the concrete walls of the new ford field.
Then a few years later a hero was discovered who decided it had to end he would purposley be drafted by either the raiders or the lions either way assuring defeat, his name CALVIN JOHNSON. Calvin was the greatest talent millen had ever seen and new it would be a battle to the end so he hired a bumbling headcoach to take them to 0-16 knowing megatrons only weakness was losing, Calvin fought and fought trying to keep his head high striking blow after blow millen stumbled on his feat as Calvin finally struck his final blow knocking him out. Calvin being the last man standing vowed to help rebuild the city in shambles along side the only other survivor in the fight innocent bystander Martin Mayhew.
Don't be fooled ladies and gentelman Project Millen still roams the earth and still seeks to fulfill his vowe, he could strike at anytime. It could be Andrian Peterson it could be Chris Johnson, Maurice Jones-Drew or even Barry sanders jr. Rumor has it he already has a replacment in the works named the Jmarc project he wasn't fired you really think he's a lazy bum who dosen't show up for camp..no thats what they want you to belive he is currently deep in the the Davis labratorys being converted in to a beast of pure melovolence. Keep your eyes open should you see millen take caution and call Team Calvin as he and his partners Stafford, Pettigrew, Delmas, Levy, Best and Suh have set out to end project millen and the evil curse left behind.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Pride Of Detroit or its writers.