FanPost

Week 1 wrap/ Philly preview

It just wouldn't be a Sunday without a Detroit Lions induced WTF moment, and Sunday's game against the Chicago Bears, which was originally scheduled for Soldier Field, was no exception. Lucky for us, the fine folks at Bizzaroland reproduced Soldier Field exactly. Fortunately, the Lions have played many times in Bizzaroland and are used to the rule changes, like the one that says; in order for a catch in the end zone to count as a touchdown, you must maintain a personal relationship with the ball, the turf, a referee, and one orphan child for at least an hour. When officials say you must maintain possession of the ball through the process, apparently they were referring to the foot ball. That's bizzaroland football!  Hooray!! How does any of this effect us? It doesn't, bizzaroland football rules change depending on the circumstance. How does this effect the broadcasters...here's a prediction: George W. Bush takes the snap, pitches to Best, he got a hole bigger than the Republican Party Taxation platform, 15...10...5... the process is complete Detroit Lions!!!  Hey, I'm sorry, it can happen in bizzaroland.
     For those of who still believe that medical marijuana has no redeeming value, I present to you...The National Football League!!! A little short term memory loss goes a long way when you're a Detroit Lions fan, at least as far as a nationally televised 12-man field goal. But hey! I'm over it, and I didn't murder anybody. That's why I am a Detroit Lions fan, because, make no mistake my friends, judgment day will come and one day God will ask if I am worthy to walk thru the gates of paradise and I will say to him Lord, Lord,...I present to you...The Detroit Lions 1970- present. Even Jesus would stick his hands in his pockets after that.
     But, I digress...I'm here to talk about Philadelphia. In a previous post, I stated that the NFC East was a division full of frauds...any questions? So, now that's been settled, who do we get, Vick or Kolb? If we get Vick, he'll run around a bit until he hits Vanden-Bosch, then he'll run around a bit slower. How about Kolb? Somewhere in here is a Korn on the Kolb with smashed potatoes joke, but I've already picked on Jesus, Republicans and broadcasters so maybe I'll lay off this one. The less talked about issue is the loss of a starting center and fullback. Can you say roughing the quarterback? Can you say this injury time out is brought to you by the Democratic Party...Democrats...we take your money and we keep it...thanks!
     Philly's defense? They have one really good lineman and we have seven, didn't they make some kind of horrible movie with that plot? Will the sequel  star Chiwetel Whatthehellareallthesesextralettersfor? That would be a good movie, I loved that guy in 2012 and Firefly. These guys could hold us to 17 points, in which case we would lose the game due to the 24 point touchdown rule, which states that any score in the eastern time zone before the 3rd commerical, unless it's a beer commerical, due to a non-called penalty will count as 23 points...the kick is GOOD!!! The final score...Philadelphia 24  Detroit  The square root of 7.
     So there you have it another hard hitting analysis; Offense, Defense, and Special Teams(Analysis...they ride in the funny yellow bus and you have to be nice to them because it's not their fault.)
   Go Lions and if you start the game running Best up the middle for 8 straight plays, if your first 3 passes are behind the line of scrimmage, if I see another 30 yard punt...I will still say Go Lions, but I might be implying a change a venue.

Your Pal,
Bob

This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Pride Of Detroit or its writers.

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