Akeem Ayers Scouting Report
by Mavyrk on Feb 28, 2011 2:20 AM EST
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As the months wind down toward the NFL Draft and I'm continuing to highlight sleepers for the Lions, let me take a break to shine the spotlight on the lock for our 13th pick.
More after the jump.
BIO -
Akeem "The Dream" Ayers is the second coming of the Messiah, whose birth was heralded by the fish in the sea, the birds in the air, and the Chuck Norris on the land. It is said that on the date of his birth, the sky opened up into the maw of heaven itself and bathed all witnesses in Holy Light that he who shall save us from pedestrian, mediocre football was borne into us all.
As a toddler, he blew Usain Bolt away in the 100 meter. As an adolescent in grade school, he deftly dunked on Michael Jordan and Dikembe Mutombo simultaenously. Come high school, he was already pursuing lofty hobbies in rocket science and neural medicine. That is, while he wasn't banging Meghan Fox and Scarlet Johansson (in a threesome, of course) on the set of Jeopardy, while beating Watson and Ken Jennings and dividing by zero during commercials.
STRENGTHS -
His lateral agility is unprecedented. Reports claim he has literally been seen in two places at once.
He has an uncanny knack for getting at the QB. Even when asked to drop into coverage, he still can record a sack from twenty yards away.
The strength of his upper body is absurd. He sheds blocks with the flick of his wrist, and has no trouble reaching even the loftiest of air balls.
Shuts down entire halves of the playing field at a time, there is a gaping void of all football action around him. "Elite" does not even begin to describe his ability to cover.
Is well versed in playing center, quarterback, fullback, cornerback, punter, and coach on top of his ability to be a linebacker.
WEAKNESSES -
Regularly takes plays off and plays at half speed, to make the game more fair.
Will destroy the concept of parity in the NFL when he gets drafted.
Can't play 11 positions at a time.
Shows some stiffness in the hips due to det32 being attached to his nuts.
Doesn't play special teams. The last coach that asked him to play punt return coverage vanished and was never heard from again.
FINAL THOUGHTS -
This kid is everything you could ever ask for in a linebacker, and more. Comparisons to Lawrence Taylor are commonplace, but offend Ayers because Ayers is so much better than that guy. Despite his dominance in all aspects of the game, reports are confident that he'll be there at the 13th pick, because he has threatened to murder every team that attempts to pick him other than Detroit, for sheer love of our football club.
You'd have to be crazy not to select this player with the 13th pick, Canton is already enshrining him into the pro football Hall of Fame.
This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Pride of Detroit or its writers. FanPosts are valued expressions of opinion by passionate and knowledgeable fans.
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best line imho
“His lateral agility is unprecedented. Reports claim he has literally been seen in two places at once.”
RA
LOL
That is hilarious.
Pride of Detroit, for Lions fans | SB Nation Detroit, for Detroit-area sports fans
OMFG
This has to be the funniest thing I’ve seen in a long time! BRAVO!!
The thing is jam packed with funny lines that had me laughing the nonestop, but my favorite has to be
Shows some stiffness in the hips due to det32 being attached to his nuts.
got game? try http://www.powerplaymanager.com/r221742
by Ee Oulo on Feb 28, 2011 4:19 AM EST reply actions 1 recs
lol
All men are created equal. Its just that some men are more equal than others....
by CapitolLions on Feb 28, 2011 1:23 PM EST up reply actions
LOL
Mav, this is hilarious.
COP:"Do you know why I pulled you over Mr. Dunn ?" ME:" Was I speeding officer?" COP:"A lil bit, but I really wanted to see a SORRY ASS DETROIT LIONS FAN UP CLOSE!" He gave me a ticket for 50 in a 45 zone. So I ask him his team. COP: DA BEARS HAHAAHAHAA
rec'd
"Some people watch adult videos on their computer. I go to YouTube and watch Jahvid Best highlight clips. That’s what gets me aroused." - Jim Schwartz
Awesome.
“That is, while he wasn’t banging Meghan Fox and Scarlet Johansson (in a threesome, of course) on the set of Jeopardy, while beating Watson and Ken Jennings and dividing by zero during commercials.”
"My perception, sort of going back, looking at the Lions from the outside in, was the Lions would always change courses and overreact. To be at the point now where we were competitive in every game ... We need to stay on that track. We don't need to change course." - Jim Schwartz
nothing but pandering
Funny though I expected a serious breakdown instead I got a huge laugh out of it. I’d say lay of Det32 but I am just as guilty as anyone else hahaha.
We kid because we care 32
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 9:54 AM EST via mobile reply actions
this.
I hope det32 knows if I really disliked him I wouldn’t bother teasing.
by Mavyrk on Feb 28, 2011 10:14 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
Sorry I am running out of Man Love
Between Suh, Phonz, Stafford, Calvin, Avril and Hill I am not sure how much I can give with my extra investment in P.C.P
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 1:15 PM EST up reply actions
we are NOT
drafting him. unless he falls to the later rounds, and only then, would i even remotely consider him.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
apparently
my ass. show us proof of that or gtfo.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
by KFFE on Mar 1, 2011 4:28 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
the hole FO interviewed him?? he said that was his best interview so far??
just b/c you dont like him doesn’t mean shit dude… the only pick that a majority of people liked was suh at the time of the pick that is
and just
because you like him doesn’t mean shit either. i guarantee you, after the poor display he put on at the combine, he dropped at least into the late first round. we are not gonna draft him, mark my words.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
explain poor display..
he had a bad 40… the rest was very good…
your putting way to much stock into the combine..
also you are right we wont draft just b/c i like him
we will draft him b/c he fits the D.. is the most versatile player in the draft witch the FO loves.. and he fits a very big need
position drills and maybe more importantly interviews are what matter at the combine more then how fast they run the 40..
obviously
going back and forth about this isn’t gonna solve a damn thing. agree to disagree and we’ll see who we get on draft day.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
obviously you dont understand..
how many times is a LB going to 40 yards in a straight line?? not very many if ever
the position drills and interviews is where it matters
let me put
this in words even you can understand – quit fighting with me about it and move on.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
Question
Didn’t he beat up Chuck Norris in a bar fight for looking at him “funny”.
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 10:01 AM EST via mobile reply actions
Unsure
Who would live to tell about it?
by Mavyrk on Feb 28, 2011 10:15 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
certainly not anyone in a 100 mile radius
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 11:18 AM EST via mobile up reply actions
rec
"My perception, sort of going back, looking at the Lions from the outside in, was the Lions would always change courses and overreact. To be at the point now where we were competitive in every game ... We need to stay on that track. We don't need to change course." - Jim Schwartz
You gets a rec from me...
Ayers is the man anytime you can have a threesome with Fox and Johannson you should be the first pick in the draft.
BOBBY " BOUCHER " CARPENTER for PRESIDENT...
CASEY MATTHEWS for VICE PRESIDENT...
P.C.P IS AN ADDICTION, GET HOOKED.
Unless
Unless of course you threaten to murder every team that attempts to pick you other than Detroit fo sheer love of our football club.
by Lions-fan-SLC on Feb 28, 2011 1:47 PM EST up reply actions
Ayers can speak Swedish in Spanish,
while counting all the digits in Pi.
I'm glad they made Flintstone's vitamins because I used to watch The Flintstones and go, "Man I bet you if I ate that dude, I would be healthy."
4.80 40 time?.... NEXT
This is the Motor City. And this is what we do...
P.C.P staffer since way back
Ayers can masterbate with one hand... pick his nose with the other
switch hand and gain a stroke.
This is the Motor City. And this is what we do...
P.C.P staffer since way back
That Sh** is....
LMAO
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 3:04 PM EST up reply actions 3 recs
This was absolutely hilarious
I was loling the whole time, and rec’d
But can you please actually make a serious scouting report of Akeem Ayers? I think that would be one of the more useful post that there could be.
No doubt
I’ll do one. I just wanted to sneak this in before he showed up at the combine so I didn’t sound like a dick.
too late
for that but you are definitely one of the more knowledgeable fans on here. have to give you that.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
Appreciate that.
And I acknowledge my occasional habits of dicktitude.
by Mavyrk on Mar 1, 2011 4:34 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Don't stop...it was awesome
It's a terrible thing to have to tell your fans, who have waited like Detroit's have, that their team won't win it this year. But it's better than lying to them.
--Sparky Anderson
if the shoe
were on the other foot no way in hell you’d be saying that.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
If the shoe were on the other foot...
I would have a highly intelligent rebuttal that backed my argument with facts and statistics. I wouldn’t sit there like a lame duck and take it, so you’re right about that.
That said, i agree with Mav on this one. I think what he posted was truly comical, and I also believe that it is deserved. Nobody has been more adamant about drafting Ayers than Det32, and he certainly has not backed his opinion with MUCh more than “He is the best cover linebacker in the draft and he is exactly what the FO said they wanted in a linebacker”.
It's a terrible thing to have to tell your fans, who have waited like Detroit's have, that their team won't win it this year. But it's better than lying to them.
--Sparky Anderson
not sure
about the intelligent part but i know you’d back it up with statistics and the like. you’re a lot like mav in that you can come of as a dick [we all can and do] but you are another one of the most knowledgeable people on here.
In Life - You GET What You GIVE.
All I know is if Ayers ran a respectable time, and shown up anywhere is the top 5 LB'er in any category....
DET32 would of had another 174 posts extolling the virtues of this finely tuned athlete. After a 4.81 and no where to be seen in any of the other timed stats, 32 has pulled a disappearing act.
F-me!….Look at that UGLY time in the 3-cone drill. The 40 isn’t that big of a deal for a LB’er, but that 3-cone drill is. Maybe we get him in the 3rd.
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
wtf does
that have to do with anything? they both have the tendency to be dicks more than the average poster, but they also are very thorough and knowledgeable. that was my point.
In Life - You GET What You GIVE.
stick around... and you will see that I am the biggest asshole on here
This is the Motor City. And this is what we do...
P.C.P staffer since way back
Me... I've got a reputation all it's own, baby.
I get my name pulled into posts I don’t even comment in…. lol
I get my name pulled into posts I don’t even comment in…. lol
lmao, I know that feeling!
I like Wins, Cheese and I also Like Cookies. If you don't. Wow. :P
That's cuz you're a couple of d-bags
That’s saying a lot coming from me.
i have a signature now. it sets me apart from all of you schmuck blogger types. thank you for reading it.
KFFE
You’re right…I am a dick. That said, I am usually only a dick when I know I am right…:o) I have no problem admitting when I am wrong, and I have no problem admitting that I have a tendency to be an asshole. That is my nature…and it goes along with telling it like it is.
It's a terrible thing to have to tell your fans, who have waited like Detroit's have, that their team won't win it this year. But it's better than lying to them.
--Sparky Anderson
his mom has a tattoo that says son
His personality is so magnetic, he is unable to carry credit cards. all quotes from the most ineresting man in the world. love that stuff
"I haven't been able to find an official 40-yard dash time for Ayers, but I believe it was somewhere around 4.80 seconds."
WTF?….Was his shoes tied?
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
I hear he had a cramp from the previous night with Det32
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 6:48 PM EST up reply actions 1 recs
Rectal contusions?
Yup, I heard those babies will slow your time up considerably.
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
Seriously now.....4.80 is pretty damn good........
For a 4th rounder.
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
by delusional on Feb 28, 2011 7:01 PM EST up reply actions 2 recs
LMAO
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 7:06 PM EST up reply actions
Akeem Ayers can play all sides of the ball
Backup linebacker, Backup running back and Backup kicker
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 7:09 PM EST up reply actions
Where's DET32?
He’s lived on here for weeks spouting his Ayers,Ayers,Ayers crap making the site unreadable, and his boy upchucks a time slower then I would do drunk, and he’s absent.,,,WTF?
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
he's probably helping Akeem prepare for his pro day
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
by The Profiler on Feb 28, 2011 11:58 PM EST up reply actions
I hear that he was waxing Ayer's jock to help cut down on nut friction hoping it will help speed up that sluggish 40 time.
.Does your momma have a Big Ass like your head?
I heard he's too busy recovering from the...
ass raping received on this board.
by CLF on Mar 1, 2011 9:39 AM EST up reply actions
No,det32 was on his back so 4.8 is great for carrying
a dude AND RUNNING. :)
COP:"Do you know why I pulled you over Mr. Dunn ?" ME:" Was I speeding officer?" COP:"A lil bit, but I really wanted to see a SORRY ASS DETROIT LIONS FAN UP CLOSE!" He gave me a ticket for 50 in a 45 zone. So I ask him his team. COP: DA BEARS HAHAAHAHAA
and we shall call him SuperAyers
I also heard he can jump over a sky scraper in a single bound, and stop a speeding train.. but those are just rumors i heard
Lions fan for life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Here's me looking into the future at the Lions going to the Play-offs by 2011 and going to the Super Bowl in 2012!!!
I drink a lot of "spiked" blue kool-aid... Having no problem sharing cuz it sure is good!!!!
Via Twitter
Akeem Ayers- @NFL Coaches, “I am the Iron Man”
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
he's not
even the bronze man. dude is all talk and he pretty much knocked himself out of the first round with that pathetic combine showing.
"You ain't ever in your life seen a nigga this focused / And I done it all in a pair of Air Forces."
Jeezy - Done It All
shouldn't have looked at me like that
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
This needs to be posted on the site in the off-season
We do this to every topic brought up. It is wonderful, haha.
"My perception, sort of going back, looking at the Lions from the outside in, was the Lions would always change courses and overreact. To be at the point now where we were competitive in every game ... We need to stay on that track. We don't need to change course." - Jim Schwartz
running that joke in the ground huh?
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
LOL
I wasn’t even the 1st one to do it I stole it from someone else
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
Just saw it on another post
This is the Motor City. And this is what we do...
P.C.P staffer since way back
yup
P.C.P where are motto is—Punch rex ryan in the face LOL
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
I'm at a loss.
As to how this got to be the fifth most popular all-time post on POD.
I appreciate that my background in comedy is so well received, but damn people.
I think it is simply...
the visceral reaction to the Akeem Ayers hype we got for the last couple of weeks. I am not an Ayers hater, I just didn’t feel he was a good choice at pick #13 and that he would be exposed at the combine. That proved to be the case IMO. But I really did get tired of the drumbeat to the point where it was getting harder and harder no9t to take a potshot at det32. For the most part I avoided that, but man, it was hard at times.
thats pretty sad
no offense mav but was it really that good? LOL we lost are open thread to make fun of Det32…well maybe it wasn’t so bad
"Show me someone with an offseason and I'll show you someone in last place"- Ndamukong Suh ( All Pro, Pro Bowl, Pepsi Rookie of the year, AP defensive rookie of the year, Sporting news rookie of the year,)
LOL..the Fanpost I made about Shankdiddy and det32 got 14 rec
I think det32 is the common factor here.
This is the Motor City. And this is what we do...
P.C.P staffer since way back
hey guys---
easy, let’s not forget his film. personally, i did not like what i saw. however, i only watched two game cut-ups…but it seemed to be enough.
however, what if he is still around in 2nd? maybe we pull the trigger then? I think he just dropped out the 1st round.
my problem
there are a lot of positives from scouts who know a lot more about what they are looking at. i’m just saying that on film he looked sluggish. it’s not a speed thing—more of a quickness thing. you like to see linebackers that can slip quickly through and snap into guys even if they aren’t making the tackle. sims had this but got out of position. field speed is very important for LBs…it’s not a 40 time.
2nd round?
That would be much more suitable for my tastes, for sure. However, he will not be there.
It's a terrible thing to have to tell your fans, who have waited like Detroit's have, that their team won't win it this year. But it's better than lying to them.
--Sparky Anderson
Akeem Ayers threads remind you much of Kevin Smith last year?
Just a little….
"My perception, sort of going back, looking at the Lions from the outside in, was the Lions would always change courses and overreact. To be at the point now where we were competitive in every game ... We need to stay on that track. We don't need to change course." - Jim Schwartz
Funny
Would like to see a proper scouting report though.
RIP Robyn Bailey 1961 - 2010. I love you mum.
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