Week 5 NFL picks against the spread: No distractions

Tom Lynn

Here are the distraction-free Week 5 NFL picks against the spread.

Last year, Week 5 was the Detroit Lions' bye week, which was convenient timing because the Tigers were beginning their run to the World Series against the Oakland A's. This year's a little different with the Lions having a big NFC North battle against the deplorable Green Bay Packers the same weekend the Tigers start another run to the World Series with a first-round matchup against the same money-pinching Oakland A's. On top of that, the NHL isn't locked out and that has begun, and the Pistons, which are interesting for the first time in years, have an open scrimmage on Friday. It's going to be an active weekend, but luckily, Sunday is reserved for the Lions and the Lions only. No distractions. Well, aside from the 11 other games and my wife, who would consider leaving me for Clay Matthews if she had the chance.

Here are my very distracted Week 5 picks against the spread:

Bills (+4) over BROWNS

On my Hoyer... I mean honor. 17-10 Browns at the half.  I'd show you my bet slip, but as I did last year, I only show them when I win. Hashtag Mayweather.

UPDATE:

Laughing-haslam

BENGALS (pick) over Patriots

The Patriots signed Austin Collie today, and here I thought the NFL was turning a corner concerning player safety. Danny Amendola and Collie run into each other and the two crumble to dust. Bengals win.

PACKERS (-7) over Lions

Lions have won the last two with me going against them, so let's keep the trend going! I really don't think they're going to win at Lambeau, though, where they haven't won in 22 years. I feel like this game is going to sniff 100 points.

COLTS (+3)* over Seahawks

Speaking of distractions, this game really piques my interest. Doug Baldwin tried the reverse jinx by saying Andrew Luck could become the best quarterback ever, but it's not going to work.

Ravens (+3)* over DOLPHINS

How does Joe Flacco bounce back from a career-worst 5 interceptions? By better unibrow and game management. Ravens give Dolphins their second straight loss.

Saints (pick) over BEARS

If Jay Cutler and Drew Brees get hurt, this becomes the "Man down, McCown Bowl." It won't, though, and so Saints games in the Windy City are just ripe for some Brees puns.

GIANTS (-1) over Eagles

What a rivalry, BUT:

"It sucks because Osi is not there," McCoy said of this particular Giants week. "It makes it a little different. But it's a division game and a must-win game for both teams."

Where to start. McCoy called Umenyiora soft, overrated and a ballerina, among other insults. Umenyiora called McCoy she, Lady Gaga and wished him a Happy Mother's Day.

Ah, those were the days. Fun, fun, fun. They were also times when the Eagles (1-3) and Giants (0-4) had more ground for trash talking. Remember, they used to win more games.

Chiefs (-3) over TITANS

Without Jake 'hurt' Locker, the Chiefs force Harvard into several turnovers and prevail in an ugly game.

Jaguars (+12) over RAMS

VOM GAME OF THE WEEK:

Gag

7 gags out of 10.

Panthers (-1.5) over CARDINALS

I'm picking the Panthers because they're fresh off a bye, but I really have no feel for this game. I do have strong feelings of dislike for Cam Newton, though.

COWBOYS (+8.5)* over Broncos

Peyton Manning is unbelievable and has been an honest joy to watch the first four weeks, but did you know he hasn't beaten the Cowboys since 2002? Jon Kitna was quarterbacking the 'boys in Manning's most recent loss to Dallas, in which Manning threw 4 picks. I don't necessarily think Manning loses this one, but it'll be close.

Texans (+7)* over 49ERS

J.J. Watt will make the 49ers bleed their own blood.

RAIDERS (+4) over Chargers

This game is kicking off at 11:30 p.m. ET on Sunday night because it takes roughly 24 hours to ready the Coliseum field after an A's loss to the Tigers.

FALCONS (-9.5) over Jets

I keep saying the Falcons, which I can't imagine starting 1-4, need to make a statement and they haven't done it yet. This is my last guess. My last pick of the week, too.

What say you?

Me Season (last week): 26-31-6 (7-5-3)
KDawg: 25-32-6 (8-4-3)
HireMattMillen: 24-16-5 (10-2-3) 
Big.Al: 21-20-5 (7-5-3) 
Northern Lite: 21-20-5 (6-6-3)
cram9030: 18-20-5 (7-5-3) 
Elfuego51: 18-23-5 (4-8-3) 
lions fan displaced in las vegas: 17-22-5 (7-4-3)
Reno09: 17-24-5 (4-8-3)
ncbur10:  3-9-3 (3-9-3)
JT072589: 8-4-3 (8-4-3)

*denotes teaser (+14) (season: 14-2)

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