FanPost

Unrealistic Final 53

Quarterback: (3)

2011 Matthew Stafford - Because 2012 wasn't real.

Joe Montana - Well somebody has to backup the almighty perfect Matthew Stafford from 2011.

Kid from Play 60 commercial - We really need a #3 QB, and he needs to have a lot of upside in case our top 2 guys get hurt. He's going to be holding a clipboard for a pretty long time...but he's going to impress a lot of people and your mother.

Runningback: (4)

Barry Sanders - Remember when Barry Sanders shocked the world and retired?....Haha yeah, me neither.

Jahvid Best - This man has never had a concussion in his life, it was all a dream, and a conspiracy.

Diet Pepsi Machine - The Patriots had a gem with this pick in 2006. As strong as their organization is, it was shocking to see them let him go. "The Machine" will be a perfect compliment to Best's speed and Barry's quickness with it's bulk and ability to truck anything or anyone in it's path.

Tecmo Super Bowl Bo Jackson - Because Bo Jackson on Tecmo Super Bowl is so dirty, kids switch to porn when their parents walk in.

Fullback: (1)

Mike Alstott - I kind of miss having a fullback on the team. Alstott was a monster for the Bucs and won me a few Madden tournaments back in the day. I will love him forever for that. Pass to Alstott in the flats every play.

Wide Receiver: (6)

Calvin Johnson - This man is just too damn good to even be left off of an unrealistic final 53 roster prediction fanpost.

Cris Carter in his prime - I'm sure we'd all love to see these two go at it and prove who's better. We already know the answer to that though.

Megatron (The Actual Decepticon) - You thought Calvin "Megatron" Johnson was impossible to stop? Try stopping a 30 foot tall scrap of metal. He would beat you on every jump ball and yell "PEACE THROUGH TYRANNY!".

Usain Bolt - The Lions could use a speedy receiver. We could use the fastest sprinter in the world. Also, he's good at showboating as well.

Tavon Austin - In a perfect draft we could have gotten Ziggy and Tavon. We all wanted to see what he could do in this offense.

Dante Hall - He would be our return specialist. And I just wanted a reason to watch this return again.

Tight End: (2)

Brandon Pettigrew with hands made of flesh - Brandon Pettigrew can be good in this league, he just needs to have real hands...and catch the ball and stuff.

Charlie Sanders - We could use another Lions great that actually made a name for himself and made the HoF.

Offensive Tackles: (4)

Leeeeeroy Jenkins - Leeroy is pretty familiar with false starts, so he would be a perfect replacement at RT for Gosder Cherilus.

Eric Fisher - I was praising Eric Fisher the entire time leading up to the draft, and I wanted us to draft him so bad, and I know a lot of other people wanted him too. So screw the Chiefs for crushing our dreams.

Riley Reiff with Go Go Gadget Arms - Everyone loves to talk about how Reiff has short arms. This fixes all of our problems. Stafford can get some sleep before game day now.

Lomas Brown - You just need to have Lomas Brown if you have Barry Sanders.

Offensive Guards/Centers: (5)

Rob Sims - Pretty much the only interior lineman we have that didn't suck last year, why ruin a good thing?

Rob Sims - Not enough Rob Sims.

Mark Henry - He could pick up any Defensive Tackle and give them the World's Strongest Slam.

Andre Drummond - The best Center we have in Detroit.

Larry Warford - Warford is an anagram for forward.

Defensive Ends: (4)

Deacon Jones - He would slap you in the face and sack your QB. That's some pretty cool shit right there...too bad it's illegal now.

Kyle Vanden Bosch when he was still good - KVB was always a prototype 9-technique DE. When he could actually get pressure on the QB and use his speed he was dangerous. And when you look into his red eyes you want to curl up into a ball and cry.

Jadeveon Clowney - Screw the NCAA and their restrictions on who's eligible to get drafted. We want Clowney now. And we want to see more of these hits. Or at least I do...Go Green.

Yao Ming - The front office has said multiple times that we need more length on the defensive line so Yao would be a great addition. He can stand there and tip passes to Leon Sandcastle.

Defensive Tackles: (5)

Ndamukong Suh - After watching his interview with Jeremiah yesterday, I'm convinced he is not human. How can you be that ripped as a DT? I predict 2 crotch kicks, 4 stomps and a Jay Cutler decapitation from him this year.

The Thing - You can't stop a superhuman with rock-like skin.

Brock Lesnar - His first stint in the NFL didn't really work out for him but his only sack in the preseason put Damon Huard on the sidelines. With our D-line coach Brock Lesnar will hurt people.

Sammie Lee Hill - In this scenario we can afford you

Eddie Lacy - If things don't work out at RB, you definitely have the size to be a DT for us.

Linebacker: (6)

Ray Lewis - We need his enthusiasm, energy and pre-game dance ritual. Oh yeah, and it would be cool to have God on our side.

Ryback - He has no personality, but he will destroy anyone in his path.

Bobby Boucher - NEEDLEDICK NEEDLEDICK. Don't talk about his mom.

Planet Fitness Guy - "I lift things up and put them down" -- Sounds good to me

Batista - Lay down the spear.

James Harrison - We need violence and big hits. Make our opponents not want to show up.

Cornerbacks: (6)

Deion Sanders - Primetime could switch between making plays on defense to helping out Dante Hall in the return game and maybe throw a few Music City Miracles to each other.

Leon Sandcastle - The shutdown corner we've always wanted. And I just realized how similar these two names sounded for the first time.

The Fonz - Well...he can't be any worse than The Phonz. Eyyy.

LeBron James - Because he needs to prove he's the best at not one, but two different sports.

The Osirian Portal Tag Team - They will hypnotize you into giving them them the football.

Safeties: (4)

Troy Polamalu - A runningback would get lost in his hair

Brian Dawkins - Brian Dawkins had 2 lockers. One for Brian Dawkins and one for Weapon X (I recommend you watch this video). I would not want to mess with this guy on the field.

Louis Delmas with robotic legs - I admit I'm a huge Delmas fan. And it's pretty depressing to see him hurt and never be able to play all of the time. So this innovation will keep him on the field.

Men Without Hats - Safety Dance

Special Teams: (3)

Christiano Ronaldo - That guy can kick for power

Reggie Roby - The best 250 pound punter that ever lived.

Don Muhlbach - Had to keep our Pro Bowl long snapper and arguably our best player obviously.

Credit to Jeremy for the idea and Khalsa for the inspiration.


This is a FanPost and does not necessarily reflect the views of Pride Of Detroit or its writers.

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