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Week 16 NFL picks against the spread: Leaked executive emails

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Here are your Week 16 NFL picks against the spread.

Andrew Weber-USA TODAY Sports

Nothing is private anymore. Not these picks, not what the Chicago Bears' offensive coordinator tells reporters, not Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate's spring break, not Ann Arbor's Finest and certainly not these extremely fake NFL executive emails. Nothing. Thanks a lot, James Franco.

JAGS (-3.5) over Titans

We should've just told these two 2-12 teams to run along and get lost in the middle of the Sunday games. We might get better ratings airing The Real Estate Investor Life of Don Majkowski. -- NFL

Eagles (-7.5) over REDSKINS

RGIII has been informed that the game is on Sunday. Think he'll buy it? -- Jay Gruden

Chargers (+1) over 49ERS

If Jim Harbaugh was on Twitter, he would've started following @umichfootball, like, yesterday. That's how sure I am that he's beginning to wear more expensive, warmer khakis. Do you guys understand what I'm saying? I never liked going to the NFC Championship Game every year anyway. -- Jed York

Lions (-9) over BEARS

Jimmy Clausen looks like the love child of an emu and DJ Qualls from Road Trip, and probably throws like one, too. This should be a fun road trip. -- Tom Lewand

Vikings (+6.5) over DOLPHINS

I have informed Joe Philbin that he's been fired, and he won't go away. I'll let him finish out the season, I guess. -- Stephen Ross

SAINTS (-6) over Falcons

I'm a big fan of money. I like it, I use it, I have a little. I keep it in a jar on top of my refrigerator. I'd like to put more in that jar. That's where a new stadium comes in. -- Arthur Blank

Patriots (-10) over JETS

We're going to have to let Rex Ryan go. Not because he's not a good coach -- we didn't give him nearly enough talent to work with -- he's just starting to get weird with each player's footwork. -- Woody Johnson

Chiefs (+3) over STEELERS

Jamaal Charles had his Le'Veon Bell rung last week and I'm shocked he's not concussed. Wink. Wink. -- Recently fired Chiefs intern

BUCS (+10.5) over Packers

Yo, check out the attached video of Olivia on Letterman. [fire emoticons] -- Matt Flynn to Scott Tolzien

PANTHERS (-3) over Browns

Johnny has some growing up to do. -- Everyone in Cleveland

TEXANS (+5) over Ravens

Who is our quarterback this week? -- Bill O'Brien

RAMS (-5.5) over Giants

ODELL BECKHAM !!!!!!1111 -- Jerry Reese in every email the last few weeks

COLTS (+3) over Cowboys

If Andrew Luck compliments us on a sack, we bite his f---ing head off, ya hear me now? -- Jerry Jones to Jason Garrett

Bills (-5.5) over RAIDERS

Jim Schwartz is a douche, but he's a damn good coordinator. -- Everyone in the world

CARDINALS (+8) over Seahawks

I think the two-quarterback system is exactly what this team needs to completely convince everybody that we're the mustiest 11-3 team in football. -- Steve Keim

Broncos (-3) over BENGALS

Are we listing Peyton as "old" on the injury report this week? HAW-HAW! -- John Elway

LAST WEEK: 9-6-1