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Week 17 NFL picks against the spread: Bottoms up!

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Here are your Week 17 NFL picks against the spread.

Jeff Hanisch-USA TODAY Sports

Eyes on the prize and hands under a new man's bottom.

Let's get right to the presents under the spread tree!

Colts (-7) over TITANS

The Colts starters will play for momentum, which is arguably the same thing as saying the Colts are playing for nothing. After their loss to the Jaguars last Thursday, it's clear the Titans are playing for a better draft pick.

Chargers (+2.5) over CHIEFS

The Chargers have a better shot at the playoffs -- if they win, they are in. The Chiefs would need to win and get help from the Jaguars and Browns. The Chiefs can't be feeling positive about their chances.

Jets (+5.5) over DOLPHINS

Miami has to be so happy to have Joe Philbin back.

Bears (+6.5) over VIKINGS

Jay Cutler is elite again!

BILLS (+4.5) over Patriots

The Bills will get to deal with Bill Belichick's B squad.

Eagles (+3) over GIANTS

Chip Kelly's offense will look so good when it's playing loose and for nothing.

Saints (-4) over BUCS

Tampa Bay is playing for the No. 1 pick in the 2015 draft. No way they game-plan for this one.

REDSKINS (+6) over Cowboys

DeMarco Murray will break Emmitt Smith's single-season rushing record, but the Redskins will cover the spread.

RAVENS (-10) over Browns

The Browns can't convince anybody to play quarterback for them.

TEXANS (-9.5) over Jaguars

Jacksonville bounces back after realizing winning is bad for them. The Texans still have a shot at the playoffs with a win and some help, so they'll be playing Watt to the wall.

Panthers (+4) over FALCONS

Falcons win on a last-second field goal, 16-14. A game almost as remarkably musty as this division.

BRONCOS (-14) over Raiders

Denver needs to win for a first-round bye, so they'll play this game as if a 30-point win will give them a two-round bye.

Packers (-7.5) over Lions

24-14. Lamboo. See ya in Dallas.

49ERS (-6) over Cardinals

Jim Harbaugh goes out in style -- maize and blue.

Rams (+12.5) over SEAHAWKS

Rams won 28-26 in St. Louis. I think they'll just cover in Seattle. The Seahawks will lock up a bye and home field throughout.

STEELERS (-3.5) over Bengals

I hate that this got the NBC game over Lions-Packers. HATE.