This was a loss unlike any other, and I've been through a lot (we all have).

I can't at describe my feelings right now. It's not anger. It's not sadness. I think the closest way I can describe my feelings after watching Michigan lose that game is utter hopelessness.

I suppose I could be mad. I could be mad at the refs for calling a terrible game, but both teams were equally victimized by their incompetence, so that doesn't feel right. And they aren't the ones responsible for ripping a 99.8% probability out of my trembling hands, anyway. I could be irate at the punter or the long-snapper for symbolically faceplanting at the worst time imaginable. But these men are actually children, playing for nothing other than pride and an "education" they'll probably never end up using. They are beating themselves up right now worse than any other other person could verbally do.

All I can manage to do right now is sit here, type some dumb words and give a stupefied laugh every five minutes at the wonderfully-awful improbability that I just witnessed.

You never know you're in one of these kind of moments until it's over. Even as Michigan's punter fumbled the snap and gave a woeful attempt at picking it up and passing the ball, I wasn't quite grasping what was going on. My emotional self lagged 10 seconds behind as the Spartan player trudged towards the endzone. Analytical Brain was still processing "...if he gets tackled here, it would be a 40 yard field goal....he's still running, the clock is going to run out as long as Michigan tackles him...there's no way someone won't catch-" and then nothing. As soon as that ball crossed the line, I knew what had happened and that there would be no flag or even another botched review that could save the game for the Wolverines. In that way, it felt a lot like the Calvin Johnson fumble from two weeks ago.

I never gloat after games. Taunting is solely for pregame. At that point, fans are on even ground and ribbing is both good-natured and harmless, since nothing has transpired. Shit-talking post-game is spiteful and mean. To MSU's credit, their fans have been extremely nice with me after this game (thanks, Reno). But if you're the kind of person kicking someone while they're down, especially when they go down in a manner like that, you are not a good person. And because of that, I have to avoid social media and pretty much any other college games for the night. My heart can't take a "Best 5 Michigan fan reactions to loss" right now. Well, let's go Red Wings, I guess.

The worst part about pain like this is it will never go away. The play itself has already been immortalized in college football history. We'll see it ad nauseum on SportsCenter tonight. We'll hear about it all week. We'll see countless youtube videos of UM and MSU fans alike reacting live to the play. We'll see it replayed during next week's Michigan game. And we'll see it during next year's MSU/UM matchup and probably in a couple more years from now. Each time the punter drops that snap, my heart will drop with it, if I can even manage to gather the strength to ever watch the play again.

The Kordell Stewart hail mary, the time clock operator, even The Horror don't seem to match up with what I just saw. Not because this hurts more (it doesn't, this Michigan team will be fine), but because this was just so much more unbelievable. The Wolverines had the ball with 10 seconds left, about to punt the ball leaving the Spartans with 80 yards to go in one play. The win is a formality at that point. If MSU had somehow run an 80-yard play from there, I could digest that. Maybe some sort of crazy hook-and-ladder play or something. I could live with that. But this was just so bizarre, so improbable that this loss sits in the pit of my stomach like a roll of $50 in quarters. This is going to be a hard loss to pass.