Week 9 NFL picks against the spread: Bye-bye Mayhew, Lewand

The Lions made a 'stunning' move on Thursday, as surprising as firing the men in charge of a 1-7 team/perennial losing franchise can be. Apparently Martha Ford means business, and if she didn't literally fire Mayhew and Lewand, I imagine she at least went through the office and fired them in gold style, instructing Jim Caldwell, "those buns are all still good, just change the hats." Caldwell will get the axe soon enough, though; Ford will cut through his warm buttery heart with her stabmaster 2200 razor steel samurai sword like it's warm butter. Who will be after Jimbo? Some think 27-year-old Matthew Stafford, but I don't know, he's a good kid and grandmas love him. No one is safe, however.

Not even a schlub like me. I know what you're thinking -- Martha Ford can't fire you, you're not even an employee of POD much less the Lions -- but she has pull, man. There are rumblings throughout POD that if people can figure out I exist, Ford will force action (not the gambling kind). 2-12? That's the equivalent of the Lions vs. KC in London. It's embarrassing. It's unacceptable. It might be worth a quick statement with no lingering questions answered. It means no more funny business, stop pulling names out of my gut and start citing statistics. Don't fire me, Martha, my butterkiss, I'll do almost anything.

BENGALS (-11) over Browns

Think the Bengals have forgotten last year's beat down on Thursday night at Paul Brown? This spread has ballooned over the week and actually sits at -13.5 in some books. Bengals should be the play here against Johnny 'In the news for everything but' Football.

Dolphins (+3) over BILLS

The Dolphins are 9-3 against the spread on the road as underdogs in their last 12 such games. I think Ryan Tannehill bounces back with the added rest after a weak showing against the Patriots in Week 8.

Rams (+2.5) over VIKINGS

The Vikings are 1-6 straight up in their last seven games following consecutive wins and I don't see them keeping their ridiculous 6-1 against the spread pace.

PATRIOTS (-14) over Redskins

Patriots are favored by as many as 15 in some spots, the largest spread against the Redskins in 20 years. The Patriots' average margin of victory this season is 19 and the last time they were favored by two Tom Brady tuddies, they squeaked out a cover, 51-17.

SAINTS (-8) over Titans

4-1 in their last five against the spread, the Saints host a 1-6 overall Titans team that just fired its coach and still doesn't know if their rookie quarterback will return to action this week. Drew Brees is fresh off throwing SEVEN touchdowns in a game and now he gets to face the 29th ranked defense in front of his own fans. Yeah...

JETS (off) Jaguars

The Jets are 5-1 in their last six home games and need a rebound win after losing two straight against quality opponents. Ryan Fitzpatrick's status has this one off the books, but the Jets should win and cover the home three if that's all they give.

Raiders (+4) over STEELERS

This spread was even more in favor of the Steelers but some of the sharp money has come in on the dare I say exciting Raiders. The Raiders have won two straight and their only two losses this season came as time expired in Chicago and by six points against the perfect Broncos. While they are 2-10 against the spread after winning as underdogs, I think they will keep it close against a rusty Ben Roethlisberger in the steel city.

Packers (-2.5) over PANTHERS

After a career low 75 yards against Denver in Week 8, expect Aaron Rodgers to come out firing like he's Martha Ford. (Discount double check: He's not.) The Panthers are 2-6 against the Packers in their last eight, they're coming off a short week after improving upon their franchise-best start, and they haven't played a quarterback like Rodgers this year (Blake Bortles, Ryan Mallett, Luke McCown, Jameis Winston, Russell Wilson sans his Lord and Savior, Sam Bradford and a beat up Andrew Luck). The Packers will make it six wins in a row following a loss and it will be by at least a field goal.

49ERS (+7) over Falcons

Blaine Gabbert is starting for the 49ers, hoping to reinvigorate a completely dead offense that has Jim Tomsula sweating more than ever before. The Falcons meanwhile do not play all that well on the road away from their cushy soon-to-be-abandoned dome and proved that by barely beating a bad Titans teams on the road a couple weeks ago. I think the Falcons win, but the 49ers keep it respectable for once.

Giants (-2.5) over BUCCANEERS

What a defensive disaster against New Orleans last week (52-49), but the Giants are still in first place in the NFC East at 4-4 and have a chance to improve to 5-1 against the spread on the road in their last six games. The Bucs picked up an impressive overtime win on the road agains the Falcons, but they haven't won consecutive games since 2013 and Jameis Winston is still a rookie.

COLTS (+5) over Broncos

Upset pick of the week. The Broncos, going for 8-0 for the first time in their history, are 0-5 against the spread in their last five against the Colts. Andrew Luck and the Colts appeared to find some rhythm late against the Panthers and need a win to stay atop their division. The last time these two teams played in Indy, the Colts were almost a touchdown dogs and came out with a win. I don't know if they'll win here, but I think they cover like they did on Monday night.

Eagles (-2.5) over COWBOYS

Shaquille O'Neal says he will dress up like a Cowboys cheerleader if the Cowboys miss the playoffs. I think we all know that this DOES NOT need to happen, but it kind of does. That's all you really need to read about this one.

CHARGERS (-4) over Bears

Both teams were hit with big injuries -- Keenan Allen for the Chargers and Matt Forte for the Bears -- but the Bears will feel it more in my opinion. The Bears have kept games close, but I think Philip Rivers throws all over the weak Bears pass defense in front of his home crowd in prime time, dropping the Bears to 0-6 against the spread as underdogs in November when there's a hint of a slight breeze.

All spread records via Odds Shark

Last Week:  [redacted]

Standings:

I am off the screenshot for the first time since Martha Ford fired someone at 47-69. Morale is Lewand low.

JonnieT sits at 53-55. Scriggl is 54-62.

Leave your picks in the comments below.