clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

2015 Best Detroit Lions Name Tournament: The Final Four

Our field is down to just four magical names. Vote on these names that I definitely don't have a problem with.

You did it.

You big, fat jerks did it.

Not only did the Elite Eight round see the demise of some of my favorite names in the tournament, but the fiercest competitors were completely lambasted on such a big stage.

A strange cloud hovered over Pride Of Detroit on Tuesday, and it rained down a horrible acid on our mostly peaceful land. The result is a zombie wasteland where our once beautiful tournament has decomposed into an evil hellscape where there are no Cudjos, there are no Joiques and, most tragically, there are no butt doctors.

But this is the Apocalypto I deserve. My misdeeds in the round of 16 caused the innocent LaAdrian Waddle to fall to the possibly inferior Joique Bell. My scheming was completely immoral. Therefore, everything that happens to me and this bracket after that moment in time is completely deserved. However, Jermelle Cudjo deserved better (defeated 359-63). Joique Bell deserved better (284-134). DANGIT, Xavier "Butt doctor" Proctor deserved better (295-122).

Alas, every creator eventually loses control of their invention. Society takes your precious baby, morphs it, judges it, chews it up and spits it out. By the end of it, you are rarely left with the brainchild you thought you created. And this bracket is no longer mine. It no longer resembles the dream I had dreamt. The tournament belongs to you now. Have at it, you monsters.

final four fixed

2 Isa Abdul-Quddus vs. 1 Ezekiel Ansah

Isa Abdul-Quddus is a name. Ezekiel Ansah is a different name.

2 Darius Slay vs. 1 Golden Tate

Darius Slay is yet another different name. Golden Tate? Another name.

I hope you're all happy.

Subscribe to PODD

After winning their first NFC North title in 30 years, the Lions have unfinished business this offseason. Stay updated with Jeremy Reisman through Pride of Detroit Direct, our newsletter offering up exclusive analysis. Sign up with NFCNORTH30 to get 30% off after your free trial.