It felt like it took forever to get to Week 1 and then I was forced to watch Week 1's loss in an hour and a half on DVR due to a previous engagement (which made the second half admittedly less painful), and now we're already talking about Week 2. Slow down! Jim Caldwell said it's a marathon, not a sprint! Shake off San Diego and do work in Minnesota.
Speaking of forever, did you see Golden Tate got engaged? Hopefully that ball and chain doesn't affect his YAC, am I right? No, seriously, good for him.
Now engage your attention to these picks:
CHIEFS (-3) over Broncos
Peyton Manning said he was surprised that he was on the injury report this week. He told people he has no feeling in his fingertips and he's surprised he's on the injury report? He's also 39 years old, which should reserve you a spot on the injury report in the NFL (old). Arrowhead is going to be so loud and the Chiefs are going to bring it so hard that Peyton Manning's not going to be able to feel anything Friday morning.
Patriots (pick) over BILLS
The Patriots have won 21 of their last 23 against the Bills and have had more than a week to
cheat prepare while the Bills might have a bit of a hangover from upsetting the Indianapolis Colts in Week 1.
BEARS (+2) over Cardinals
Matt Forte said after last week's game, "nobody had that stupid look on their face," which tells me two things: 1) The Bears are getting better; and 2) He didn't look at Jay Cutler's face. ZING! Because nobody on the Bears had that stupid look on their face and Bruce Arians wears a stupid looking hat -- even if it's for a good cause -- I'm going Bears this week! #GameAnalysis
BENGALS (-3) over Chargers
The Bengals have won their last three regular season games against the Chargers, who had to expend a lot to come back and win their home opener last week, contrary to how it may have looked to us. Traveling to Cinci now for Week 2 will be a letdown for the Bolts.
BROWNS (+1) over Titans
Marcus Mariota made my Bucs pick look really silly last week. I'll double down in the second straight matchup of Heisman Trophy winning quarterbacks.
Lions (+3) over VIKINGS
#ChargedUp is probably the wrong hashtag since the Lions ran out of juice against the Chargers the week before, but does anybody actually believe Everson Griffen? The Vikings looked awful against the 49ers on Monday Night Football and now they're on a short week. Hopefully the Lions aren't looking ahead to their tough(er) next couple weeks.
Buccaneers (+10) over SAINTS
I've been back and forth on this one, but I think after getting blown out in Week 1, the Bucs will make the Saints work for a win in New Orleans' home opener.
Falcons (+2) over GIANTS
It was surprising to see the difference Dan Quinn's already made in Atlanta. Their offensive line and running game is still bad, but the defense looked really good against Chip Kelly's offense on Monday night.
STEELERS (-5.5) over 49ers
Rams (-3) over REDSKINS
Week 2 Puke 'Em Game of the Week.
Texans (+3.5) over PANTHERS
The Panthers might be without Luke Keuchly in their home opener, which is good news for Ryan Mallett, who was named the Texans' starter by Bill O'Brien this week. I think the Texans avoid their first 0-2 start in seven years, but at the least benefit from that extra half point.
Ravens (off) over RAIDERS
Ravens (off). Raiders (awf-ul).
Dolphins (-6) over JAGUARS
You see that DIRTY play by Ndamukong Suh last week? Man, he's so DIRTY. Such a DIRTY play(er), that Suh guy.
EAGLES (-5) over Cowboys
Eagles bounce back with a big win over the Dez Bryant-less Cowboys. First win at Lincoln Financial against the Cowboys since 2011.
Seahawks (+3.5) over PACKERS
Another game in which I think the extra half-point could be beneficial to bettors. The Packers have won five straight at Lambeau against the Seahawks, with the most recent coming in 2009 (five years after the "We want the ball, and we're going to score" comment from Matt Hasselbeck in OT, who proceeded to throw a pick-six).
COLTS (-7) over Jets
Andrew Luck wins on cable. This is my survivor league pick of the week.
LAST WEEK: 8-7
LAST 4 SEASONS: 562-460 (55%)
From the comments: sgriggl was 9-7 and JonnieT was an impressive 11-5. Feel free to continue and I'll keep track, or join in now!
If picking all of the games against the spread isn't your thing, let me know if you're interested in starting a midseason FourPlay Football league. You pick 4 games each week with a teased spread, +14 in your favor. It's a Detroit-based start up so be a part of something local.