2016 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament: Round 1, Pad Level region

If you can read this, there's no turning back now. The 2016 Detroit Lions Name Bracket is here and this is the moment where we start devouring each other. From this point on, we are all mortal enemies of each other with varying degrees of incorrect opinions.

With that being said, here are the first round matchups in the Pad Level region. Vote with extreme caution.

1 Ezekiel Ansah vs. 16 Isaiah Johnson

Last year's returning champion, Ezekiel Ansah, shouldn't have much of a problem to open up the tournament. Ansah absolutely destroyed his competition through the first four rounds in 2015, beating every opponent by over 300 votes.

Expect things to be a little closer this year, as we have all had a year getting accostomed to hearing his name over and over again, as the sacks piled up last year. However, Ansah may be the benefactor of the sympathy vote, since he continues to get overlooked by national media types.

As for Isaiah Johnson, it's unfortunate his first appearance in the tournament will come to a swift ending. As boring as his name is, I do have to give it some praise. When he first joined the Lions, I was initially annoyed with how he spelled "Isaiah," presuming that -- as a Michigan-born sports fan -- Isiah was the proper spelling. But sound it out. It absolutely should be spelled Isaiah. Shame on you, Isiah Thomas, for being a false Isaiah prophet.

8 Tyrunn Walker vs. 9 Nevin Lawson

Tyrunn Walker enters this tournament as an eight-seed for the second consecutive year. After an easy victory over Phillip Hunt last year, Walker was quickly disposed of by his region's eventual champion Golden Tate. Walker's name has two prominent things going for it: a uniquely-spelled first name and a very pun-able last name. I'm extremely excited for the possibility that Walker has a huge game in Houston, so I can spend a week making "Walker, Texas Ranger" references.

Nevin Lawson, who made the sweet sixteen as a six-seed last year, has an extremely authoritative sounding last name.

"What was your major?" "Law, son."

"Why don't you run this red light?" "Law, son."

"Who is your favorite Jude?" "Law, son."

And, as I mentioned last year, Nevin reminds me of Navin, which reminds me of the movie "The Jerk." That's a big bonus there.

This is going to be a close one.

5 Wallace Gilberry vs. 12 Kyle Van Noy

Wallace Gilberry enters his first career tournament slightly underseeded. This is just a well-balanced, highly talented name. You come out with a strong name like Wallace conjuring images from either "Pulp Fiction" or Rasheed. And then you follow that up with Gilberry, which sounds like an exotic fruit that you'd find on an island only Jerry Seinfeld has access to.

He goes against the controversial Kyle Van Noy. Van Noy would be a pretty solid entry into this tournament had his predecessor Kyle Vanden Bosch not been with the team a mere four years ago. It's likely for this reason Van Noy exited in the second round last year. Perhaps if he had a more notable year on the field, he may have stood a chance in this tournament, but unfortunately, Van Noy has little going for him this year.

4 Quandre Diggs vs. 13 Stevan Ridley

Two new entrants to the Name Tournament, but only one will prevail. Quandre Diggs was a month late in being eligible for last year's tournament, but likely would have made some noise. If Diggs continues his solid play, you can fully expect a column entitled: "Receivers in a quandary when lined up against Diggs." And with James Ihedigbo now off the roster, the second-year cornerback can lay completely claim to the name Diggs.

Diggs faces off against the Lions' newest addition to the backfield, Stevan Ridley. For a 13-seed, Ridley packs a punch. He refuses to conform to your preconceived notions on how to spell Steven. And his last name leaves us with plenty of pun options. "Ridley's believe-it-or-not touchdown run." "Defenses can't decipher The Riddler's code."

I'm not sure I'd put Diggs on upset alert here, but this matchup should be closer than your typical 4 vs. 13 matchup.

6 Laken Tomlinson vs. 11 Jake Rudock

Again we have two newbies facing off in the first round. Tomlinson's name is a bit of a mouthful but in a way that commands respect. Laken seems like a pretty good fit for Michigan, while Tomlinson is a last name that has real football lore. When smashed together, the names create something that both feels local and well-respected. He's basically the football version of Bell's Brewery.

The name Jake Rudock both feels significant and utterly boring at the same time. As comedians will quickly point out, the name does hold the valuable hard C sound not once, but twice. And I do like the boldness of only having one D in his last name, but in the end, Jake Rudock just doesn't amount to much of a name. It's three measly syllables and while brevity can sometimes be a positive, there's just not a lot going on between the beginning and the end of his name (which is likely the trajectory his NFL career will take).

3 Jace Billingsley vs. 14 Geoff Schwartz

Jace Billingsley, who is the most likely candidate to be the cinderella story of the tournament, was a last-minute addition to the bracket. Billingsley is an undrafted free agent signee, and is going to make a real run at this tourney. Jace is such a sweet name that if it weren't for the "ace" clashing with the "Reis" of my last name, I would be changing my name right now. Billingsley is a mouthful, but also has a regal feeling to it. Jace Billingsley as a whole sounds like the "there goes the neighborhood" addition to the "Downton Abbey" cast.

Geoff Schwartz gets bonus points for his spelling of Geoff (anything that confuses Chris Lemieux is okay in my book), and Schwartz is nice because it represents his Jewish faith, a rare find in the NFL. But in the end, Geoff is still too common, as is his surname.

7 Gabe Ikard vs. 10 Joe Dahl

Two of the shortest names in the tournament face off in the penultimate matchup in the Pad Level region. I can't really explain what I like about the name Gabe Ikard, but I like it. Admittedly, I looked up whether his middle name was Luke, because the name Gabe Luke Ikard would absolutely win this tournament. But it turns not only is his middle name not Luke, but his last name is actually pronounced eye-kerd and not ick-ard. That's unfortunate.

Joe Dahl sounds like Roald Dahl and "Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory" is one of my favorite childhood movies. Pretty cool, Joe.

2 Ameer Abdullah vs. 15 Darrin Walls

Ameer Abdullah is the first of five alliterative names in this tournament. Of those five, he may have the most impressive name. The name Abdullah is a roller coast for your mouth and I can't describe why, but double E is my favorite vowel combination. Peer, sweet, free, emcee, eerie. It feels like you could put 3 more Es in there and it would be pronounced the exact same. Ameeeeer Abdullah.

Darrin Walls is a fine name. Once again, I appreciate the audacity of spelling the first name differently, but neither name is particularly rare. I have a hard time coming up with anything else interesting about his name, so I looked up if he has a nickname. He does. It's Teets. Ooooooooooookay, moving on. Vote.