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2016 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament: Round 1, Take the Wind region

The first round of the Detroit Lions' Name Bracket rolls on with the Take the Wind region. Vote now!

By Jeremy Reisman

Two regions down, two to go. We've already seen a few upsets in the first round of the Detroit Lions' Name Bracket tournament and I suspect we haven't seen our last. Today, we move on to the Take the Wind region, which features two rookies with real chances to make deep runs in this tournament and an old classic looking to make a title run. But enough jibber-jabber, let's get to the names

1. Tahir Whitehead vs. 16 Andre Caldwell

Tahir Whitehead had a disappointing 2015 tournament after being bounced in the second round by sixth-seeded James Ihedigbo. With the veteran safety now gone from the tournament, and Whitehead improved from a three-seed to a one-seed, Tahir's chances at a deep run in the tournament are pretty high.

Sure his last name may be a synonym for a pimple, but did you know that Tahir shares his last name with a famous mathematician/philosopher? Even if you downvote Tahir for his last name, his first name is too damn cool to deny. In fact, from its Arabic origins, the word Tahir literally means purity. Pure Pimple.

Andre Caldwell is a boring name. But, hey, you have the same name as your head coach. Maybe you can score some brown-nosing points for that and win yourself a place on the roster. Andre is also the worst character in "The League." Don't ever go fedora, Andre. It will be the death of you.

8. Deonte Gibson vs. 9 Adam Fuehne

Ever since I searched what "Tate" means according to Urban Dictionary, it has become a favorite pastime of mine to search each and every one of these names in the Urban Dictionary archives. And let me tell you, "Deonte" did not disappoint:

Deonte, The cutest, most AMAZING person that everyone likes. outgoing person. loves reggie bush.. wants to marry. rsm. :D

This is clearly written by someone with a crush on a man named Deonte, but the Reggie Bush thing is just too coincidentally awesome to pass over. Gibson is a common last name, but I still like it. You don't often get the "bs" combination in a name, and I like the sound it makes. It's like a P, but unnecessarily complicated.

Full disclosure, I seeded Adam Fuehne at nine without any idea how to pronounce his last name. I presumed it sounded like "fff-wayne," which would be a pretty cool way to spell that. Plus you could call him the "Fuehne-train" or say "the Fuehne in Spain stays mainly on the plain." But in an unfortunate turn of events, it turns out it is pronounced "FEE-NEE" as in Dwight Freeney with no R. So instead of the Fuehne Train, you have the Fuehne Weenie. That's a bad look.

5. Cornelius Lucas vs. 12 Kerry Hyder

Cornelius. Undisputedly the best name that starts with the name of a vegetable. (Granted, his only competition is Carrot Top). Cornelius is regal and old-school. I'm almost 100 percent sure Idris Elba has played someone named Cornelius Lucas in his lifetime, and Idris Elba is the best. Even if he hasn't, just imagine him saying the name Cornelius Lucas and tell me it's not a great name.

Hyder? I barely know her! Yeah, that's about as versatile as the name Kerry Hyder gets. The first name is unisex, which is cool in this age of gender neutrality, but Hyder is boring. Admittedly, the names are well-balanced and have a bouncy tone to them, but I'm still bored by it.

4. Khaseem Greene vs. 13 George Winn

I hold alliteration at an extremely high value in this tournament. But, if there's one component of a name that is more valuable than alliteration, it's the rare assonance. And Khaseem Greene has assonance in spades. I pray that at one point in his life, a doctor, after performing a physical, turns to his significant other and says, "Khaseem Greene's spleen seems pristine."

George Winn was able to escape the first round last year with just a somewhat interesting last name. But after two years with the Lions, the puns have run dry. ALL YOU DO IS WINN? IS THAT EVEN TRUE? YOU HAVE LIKE 70 CAREER RUSHING YARDS. You're George until you crack the century mark.

6 Graham Glasgow vs. 11 Michael Ola

Speaking of alliteration, Graham Glasgow is an example of the literary technique used to perfection. In fact, he has an extra G-sound thrown in there as a bonus. With each syllable of his name starting with this G-sound, it creates a sense of urgency. After saying his names a few times in a row, you inherently speed up until suddenly you're just babbling "G-G-G, G-G-G" and foaming at the mouth. I like a name that can instinctively turn me into a nonsensical maniac.

Michael Ola snuck into the tournament by being a second-half team. Ola is just a fun word to say, which is why I'm presuming the Spanish word for hello is pronounced the same phonetically. Hola is so much better than hello. Hola ends on an upbeat (oh-LA!), adding sincere excitement when greeting someone. Hello (HELL-oh) ends on a down note and you say the word Hell. It's no wonder Americans are perceived as rude. Anyway, if his name was Michael Hello, I would have banned him from the tournament.

3 Quinshad Davis vs. 14 Rafael Bush

What can I say about the name Quinshad that hasn't already been said about______? It's as perfect a singular name as you'll find in this tournament. I'm a huge fan of the "qu" sound and for whatever reason it mixes so well with the second syllable of the name. It's as smooth at peanut butter and chocolate; the best pairing of flavors known to man. One of my favorite phenomenons with names is when a highly irregular name is combined with an extremely ordinary one. Quinshad Davis is the belle of that ball.

Rafael Bush has the benefit of sharing a name with the most badass Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He also has a surname that would make Rich Eisen giggle. But essentially, these are two very common names that don't pack much of a punch together. This should be an easy win for Quinshad.

7 Theo Riddick vs. 10 Dan Orlovsky

As much as I love the name Theo, it has recently taken quite a hit after its associations with "The Cosby Show." That being said, Riddick remains one of the best last names in this tournament. Whether you're a Chronicles of Riddick guy or a Riddickulous fan, the name has both uniqueness and versatility.

Dan Orlovsky may lack a quality first name and any opportunities for a good pun (and on-field awareness), but there's something special about the name Orlovsky. It very neatly rolls off the tongue. It feels like you're unfurling your tongue while saying it and have to roll it back up like a cartoon wolf afterwards. The only other name I can think of that sounds like that is Gorlomi:

2 Miles Killebrew vs. 15 Brandon Copeland

I don't have to explain what makes Miles Killebrew an awesome name, so let's have twitter do it:

Brandon Copeland has two somewhat boring names but they work well together. You can read the names together with the melodic tempo of iambic pentameter. It would make for a great name in a fairy tale or a children's show. Unfortunately for Brandon, the name tournament isn't the place for sweet, happy names. In that sense, it's fitting that he'll be eliminated by someone with "kill" in his name.

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