Lions vs. Seahawks: What Just Happened?

Tonight's piece really should be renamed to What The Hell just Happened? That’s really the only thought I can come up with about this game. The Lions were flat out embarrassed by a much better team. What more can I say? Well, I’ll tell you what I can say, I’ll tell you right now.

Replace Lisa with Lions.

What even was that? Like, I can’t even

“Howard the Duck,” “Garbage Pail Kids,” “Gigli,” “Super Man: Quest for Peace” and “Plan 9 from Outer Space.” I would rather watch those movies back-to-back-to-back while listening to Creed and getting kicked in the face by Shawn Michaels, then watch this game ever again. It’s over. I don’t want to relive it again after this. It never happened after this week.

You couldn’t score one touchdown?

The Lions offense was a train wreck. The same runs up the gut at the same time they usually happen, screens galore and all the drops you can handle. Plain and simple, maybe old Jim Bob isn’t as great as so many thought.

Defense

You get zero credit tonight. The Seahawks had a plan. They executed that plan. And the Lions had absolutely no answer for it. This is why Thomas Rawls had the biggest game of his career. This is why Paul Richardson, a guy most hadn’t heard of before, looked like “Odell Beckham Jr.” all night. Just a really bad effort all around.

Butt Hurt

Let me just be a petulant child for just one moment. When is it going to be our time? Do you have any idea how much it sucks to walk into work on Monday morning and be the guy that has no smack to talk? it’s horrible. It’s like being the only guy in your circle of friends that doesn’t have a girlfriend. Everybody you know looks like this.

While you’re sitting in the corner looking like this.

Yeah, I just put both of those music videos in a football article. And, yes, I’m still in love with you Toni Braxton.

Refs

I have never been the guy to blame the refs for a loss, and I’m not sure I’ll start that trend tonight. But this was one of the most embarrassing and downright disappointing displays by an officiating crew that I have ever seen. When this is ok.

That’s a real problem. The Lions were also called on a roughing the passer that wasn’t close to being a roughing the passer, two unnecessary roughness calls that looked shady, pass interference call while the Seattle receiver had his entire hand around the facemask of the defender and countless other things. The Seahawks however, pretty much walked out unscathed.

No silver linings

There was nothing about this game that you can take away that will make you happy or give you hope. At least the Lions made it to the playoffs. Sure, that’ll get you through the summer, maybe. But nothing went right Saturday night. Not a single thing. Not even Ezekiel Ansah’s two sacks could put a smile on my face.

The Lions looked like an unprepared mess. They played like a team that knew it had lost when it got off the plane the night before. No drive and no will to succeed that you usually see this team have. Their punt in the fourth quarter that ultimately set up another Seahawks touchdown, is great proof of that. With everything on the line, this team chose to play it safe.

And that’s always been the issue with the Lions. Unlike the animal they’re named after, they have no killer instinct.

Don’t spend your offseason hating everything

Yeah, it sucks. The Lions blew it again, and you feel like you don’t know if you can keep going on. Well, we already know that you will. So do yourself a favor and don’t threaten to leave. You don’t want to trade Matthew Stafford. The Ford’s shouldn’t sell the team, and this isn’t S.O.L. There are far more pressing things to rage over. The Lions losing in the playoffs again isn’t one of them. Let’s just pack it and push it down deep like we always do, and move on.

I want to thank everyone for checking out the “What Just Happened” series this season. It means a lot to me that everyone let’s me be myself in these things. I can’t wait to do it again next season and keep giving you guys new stuff all offseason. Go Lions... even though I’m mad at them.