So last week I battled the flipping of a quarter in my weekly picks, and apparently that was too much pressure for me. Not only did I lose to the quarter, but I had my worst week overall, going 5-9 with my picks. I’m now just 42-46 against the spread, which means you should probably be reading something else right now.
But since I’m apparently bad at this, I’ll try to at least my picks entertaining from here on out. Here’s the top of our leaderboard:
Chiefs -3 over RAIDERS
The Raiders were my AFC pick for the Super Bowl, which should have been the red flag you needed to never listen to my advice ever again. They’re 2-4 and haven’t scored more than 17 points in a month. I know Derek Carr has been dealing with an injury, but he’s “completely healthy” now, so there is no excuse for them to be playing this poorly. But the Chiefs are the best team in the league right now, and they’re going to buzzsaw this Raiders offense.
BILLS (even) over Buccaneers
I knew the Bucs offseason hype train was ill-advised, but even I didn’t expect them to look this bad out of the gate. 2-3 isn’t an awful start, but considering the division they’re in, they are going to have a tough time pulling themselves out of this hole.
Panthers -3 over BEARS
Everyone thinks I’m head over heels for the Bears after I suggested they may be better than the Lions right now on this week’s PODcast. I stand by that statement, but their offense is still very bad. I think their defense is going to give the Panthers some fits, but Carolina will eventually get theirs. I don’t think Chicago can keep up. But this one will be close.
Titan -5.5 over BROWN
I saw a Browns fan, this week, call Cleveland the most embarrassing thing to happen to sports:
The Browns are the most embarrassing thing to happen to sports. 4-34 in their last 38 games. How is that possible?— Casey Weaver (@nuggetronsports) October 18, 2017
With all due respect, Casey, that’s nothing. The Lions went 4-42 in a 46 game span from 2007-2010.
Although changing your quarterback every week is a good way to challenge that mark. DeShone Kizer, come on down!
PACKERS +5.5 over Saints
This is the exact type of game that everyone expects Green Bay to lose, then they blow the Saints out and jump to No. 1 in everyone’s power rankings next week.
I’m not saying that’s going to happen, but the Packers have a weird amount of faith in Brett Hundley, and that’s a little unsettling. I think with a week of practice, he’ll look a lot better than expected.
The bigger concern for Green Bay may be their busted secondary dealing with Drew Brees’ high-flying offense. But at Lambeau, I expect the Packers to at least keep this one close.
Jaguars -3 over COLTS
I’ve given up trying to understand this Jaguars team. The Colts, however, are very easy to understand. They aren’t very good with Andrew Luck. And now they may be without him for the entire season. So... check out some good college games this weekend, Indianapolis. There are bound to be some good prospects on display.
RAMS -3 over Cardinals
It may surprise you to see the Cardinals are 3-3. It may surprise you even further than we are all living in the Adrian Petersance (Peterson renaissance). As more evidence that I’m an idiot who can’t predict anything, I went on the radio last week and declared Peterson’s career over. Then he ran for 134 yards and two touchdowns.
But he’ll get a heavy dose of reality in the form of Aaron Donald this week and look like the back that averaged under 3.0 YPC before last week’s abberation. Believe me. When have I ever been wrong?
Jets +3 over DOLPHINS
The answer is neither, so expect the home team to have a letdown game this week.
VIKINGS -5.5 over Ravens
Joe Flacco throws at least three interceptions. Guaranteed.
Cowboys -6 over 49ERS
The Cowboys had a pretty rough bye week, nearly throwing a coup over Jerry Jones’ strict anthem policy. Some may say that will distract the locker room, but I think they’ll come out of the bye well-rested and looking to get the taste from the Packers loss out of their mouth.
And here’s a winless 49ers team for you to beat up on. How nice of you, Roger Goodell.
GIANTS +5.5 over Seahawks
The Seahawks offensive line is almost as bad as the Lions’, and the Giants can bring the heat with a pretty talented front four. I’m not exactly sure how the Giants expect to score any points in this game, but I’m expecting something close to a 9-6 kind of game here.
This would normally be FOX’s Game of the Week, but they were apparently so disgusted with this matchup that the entire network passed on it and gave us a rare NFC game on CBS. Like everything on CBS, don’t watch this.
STEELERS -5.5 over Bengals
This is one of the most fun rivalries that no one outside of the AFC North pays any attention to. These are two teams with notoriously unapologetic defenses.
But this year, the Bengals are not so good and the Steelers are wildly inconsistent. Still, I have more faith in the Steelers turning things around than I do the Bengals, even if Cincy is on a two-game winning streak and coming off a bye.
Broncos (even) over CHARGERS
This is a classic case where a team like the Broncos lays one egg, and everyone start to question if they’re actually any good. Denver will be fine, while the Chargers won’t be able to overcome their tough schedule, which features exactly zero home games.
Falcons (+3.5) over PATRIOTS
2 teams that were in the last Super Bowl face off on “Sunday Night Football.”
8 months since that fateful game.
To have any real confidence in either of these two teams is foolish.
3 Amigos is a pretty good movie.
Washington +4.5 over EAGLES
The Eagles are due for a letdown game, and what better time for it than a divisional game on Monday Night Football. Washington hasn’t exactly looked wildly impressive in their three wins, but they have certainly kept things close and nearly beat the Eagles in Week 1.