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Why Italy missing the World Cup means the Lions are winning the Super Bowl

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It’s happening, y’all!

New England Patriots Victory Parade Photo by Billie Weiss/Getty Images

As Detroit Lions fans continue to pine for that one time in which the team brings home the Lombardi Trophy, we’re constantly looking for signs that it will finally happen. Oh, the Cubs finally won the World Series? It must be our year! The Falcons nearly won their first Super Bowl last year? That must mean the Detroit Lions’ chance is not far behind!

But all of those past prophecies have been proven false. And looking back on it, that’s just ridiculous logic anyways. Why would the Cubs breaking their 108-year championship drought have anything to do with the Lions? That’s just silly.

But now I stand before you with a true, undeniable sign that the Lions are going to win the Super Bowl: Italy did not qualify for the World Cup this year.

Yeah, I know. I can’t believe it’s happening either. I’ve already booked my flight to Minnesota, and I’m breaking open my piggy bank to scrounge up every last penny for tickets and all of the “Super Bowl LII Champions” merchandise I can wear at once.

Oh, wait. You don’t follow? Are you not a true believer? Okay, let me back up.

On Monday, the Italian national men’s soccer team played to a 0-0 draw against Sweden. As a result, the Swedish national team won via a 1-0 aggregate score in the qualifying playoffs. Italy was eliminated.

Now here’s where things get spooky. The last time Italy didn’t qualify for the World Cup?

1958. The year the Detroit Lions were defending NFL champions:

If that’s not definitive proof, I don’t know what is. It’s such overwhelming proof, in fact, that I believe Roger Goodell should just concede the rest of the 2017 season and hand the Lombardi over to Detroit. But for now, let the party begin!