Lions fan fiction: ‘Twas the week before Packers

“Lions Fan Fiction” is a coping mechanism we use to help fans survive a tough Monday morning after a loss. We come up with a fake reality in which the Lions won in an effort to bring levity and happiness through satire, self-deprecation and humor. With today being Christmas and all, I decided to throw a little holiday spin on things.

‘Twas the week before Packers
And all through the play
Not a creature was jumping
Not even Don Barclay

The Lions were down six
But hadn’t a fear
For McDaniels was guiding
With headphones on each ear

It was late in the game
With just one yard to go
Jim Bob would be flummoxed
To pass or to throw?

But Josh was cunning
And having no doubt
He screamed to the team
“Send Tion right out!”

They didn’t stand a chance
No defense could halt
The homecoming strength
Of a Tion Green assault

The Lions were leading
The Bucs and Saints, too!
What a wonderful evening
For the Silver and Blue!

But the tides were turning
For the Bengals were driving
They had a Green of their own
And YIKES, was he thriving!

So the Lions worriedly turned
To the man they trust most
Thank goodness they sent Austin
Way back to the coast!

They needed a stop
And they knew they were able
For calling plays now
Was the brilliant Mike Vrabel

He dialed up a play
And it worked with perfection
Slay’s finger was waggin’
With a clean pass deflection

The ball sailed high
with not a receiver in sight
The red-haired grinch’s eye
Were consumed by fright

The fans in attendance
Knew the Lions would win
For waiting patiently below
Was our friend Glover Quin

The Lions were victors
This Christmas was all well
Thanks in part to head coach
Jim “Papa” Caldwell