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It’s back. Revenge of Honolulu Blue Kool-Aid recipe: World Domination 2017

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Death cannot save you now.

Advertising Week 2013 Rings The NASDAQ Closing Bell Photo by Slaven Vlasic/Getty Images

Lions football is coming, and I know for a fact that if you’re not drunk you cannot delude yourself into believing the Lions will win 12 games and make the NFC Championship. It’s probably probable you might be able to do it sober, but I don’t trust you if you can reach that kind of nirvana without a liquid vajra.

Last year I unveiled the Honolulu Blue Kool-Aid, the transubstantiation of the metaphorical liquid consumed whenever someone talks about the Lions reaching the Super Bowl in 20XX. Since then it has wrought destruction and suffering for all those who decided to try it. I’ve taken the considerable feedback (lol) and utilized that—and my own personal experimentation—to refine the recipe. The fat has been trimmed and new additions have been made.

This is the drink that wins championships of the mind and the bowels. This is the conqueror of POD editor Ryan Mathews; the little death, the annihilation of the self.

The base Kool-Aid

Start here before you get adventurous.

  • 1 part New Amsterdam gin (once again, this is very important. If you want to use Beefeater or whatever that’s fine but this is the real experience)
  • 1 part citron vodka
  • 1 part blue curacao (if the drink isn’t blue enough by the end, add more)
  • 1 part sour mix

Put your name on it

These are optional, only for those who want the turbo-charged kool-aid and got the cash to burn, but we heartily recommend adding the following.

  • 1 part Hpnotiq
  • 1 part moonshine, legal or not
  • 12 can Red Bull Yellow Edition (remember what your mama told you about mixing alcohol and caffeine and use caution)

Fill up the cup you idiot

You probably have a lot in this already. Just in case, add one or more of the following to taste, if you’re not interested in drinking high concentrations of alcohol.

  • Faygo Twist (Sprite, retire bitch)
  • Jarritos Grapefruit
  • More sour mix
  • Ice, I guess

Making a large batch?

Everything here can be adjusted pretty much on a 1:1 ratio or whatever. It’s parts, not a scientific measurement. If you’re not sure, just go liberal with the hooch and eyeball the rest. Look, this isn’t a science and I’m not one of them mixologists or whatever. I’m not muddling mint over here and this ain’t gonna cost you $15 in the club. If you’re serving a large group of people, they’re just trying to get drunk anyway. Why are you trying to hassle me? I’m just walking here. I ain’t breaking no laws.

Get outrageously drunk. Go Lions.