There is no commentary this week before we get to the picks, just some music for you beautiful beasts and your sinful ways. Let’s get to gambling.
Last week’s record: 8-5-1
Atlanta -5.5 vs. New York
The Falcons represent something disgusting in the NFL: the stench of weakness. A former contender flailing about for the world to see is never endearing and the punishment is often swift and merciless. There is always, however, time for respite, momentary redemption, and that comes in the form of kicking the hell out of the Giants (who are not, at present, a real football team).
Indianapolis vs. Buffalo UNDER 43
I don’t like being on the wrong side of a hook over a touchdown, so Indianapolis -7.5 makes me itch looking at it. I’ll take a total instead, but just know I like Indianapolis here and have no illusions about the flow of this game.
Baltimore vs New Orleans UNDER 50
There’s a word for a game like this: Blam. It doesn’t mean anything. There’s no wisdom to it. It’s just something people say. I don’t know who, but I said that people say it so it must be true. I’d rather just pass on the lines in this game altogether because the Ravens and Saints are two hot teams and something will give in this game. Even betting the total doesn’t make me feel confident, but I’m committed to making a pick on every game on the slate.
Houston +4.5 @ Jacksonville
Of two moribund AFC South teams struggling to prove who is more dysfunctional, I’m going to take Houston and a fistful of points.
Los Angeles -9.5 @ San Francisco
This line is insanity; the idea of putting down about 10 points for a road favorite is silly. But consider this a desire for comeuppance. Since moving to Los Angeles, all I’ve seen are Golden State jerseys. Maybe with the 49ers in disarray and the Rams ascendant, we’ll see turnabout in the Bay and an invasion of LA loyal. I can’t believe the Rams have caught on the way they have in this city, and I do wonder if the strong crowds will follow them from the accessible and central location of the Coliseum out to Inglewood in a few years—and if the team will still be good enough to draw those crowds as well.
New York +3.5 vs. Minnesota
I have no idea why I keep picking the Jets, but I think it’s working out (honestly I can’t even remember if it has). The Vikings backfield is flailing and the Jets, on the flip-side, have a very efficient defense by the numbers. Hook-side of a touchdown is once again where I find myself, and I’m quite comfy there.
Cincinnati +6 @ Kansas City
There’s no reason to ditch faith in Kansas City after a strong showing on Monday night, but the Bengals are a good team catching the Chiefs after heartbreak and short rest. Mark this one closer than you’d think.
All the rest
New England -3 @ Chicago
Washington vs. Dallas OVER 41.5
Carolina +5 vs. Philadelphia
Tampa Bay vs. Cleveland UNDER 50
Miami vs. Detroit UNDER 47
Los Angeles -6.5 vs. Tennessee
Arizona vs. Denver OVER 42