NFL Week 9 picks against the spread, totals: Unseasoned thoughts

No time for love, Dr. Jones, let’s get right into gambling.

Last week’s record: I didn’t count but it was pretty bad.

Buffalo +10 vs. Chicago

I had Nashville hot chicken the other day, and I think I’m coming to the dawning realization that there are limits to my hot pepper intake. Excessive ghost peppers and/or Trinidad scorpion may have been a step too far. So is this game. And as such with this game, it’s always worse after the act.

New Orleans +1 vs. Los Angeles

If you’re not watching this game then you should probably reevaluate your time commitments. The line is no good here, so I consider this my own particular play. Given home field and all the near-misses that the Rams have dodged so far, it’s hard to see them staying unbeaten, and New Orleans is perhaps the only other good team right now in the NFC.

New York +3 @ Miami

I keep swinging on the Jets and I keep missing. Maybe this one will turn it around.

Baltimore -2.5 vs. Pittsburgh

Somehow the AFC North can’t help but become fraudulent. Both of these teams are frauds. The Bengals are frauds, but not playing. I suppose the question becomes a matter of who is less fraudulent than the rest—you’d think by virtue of history that would fall to the Steelers, but I won’t hear such nonsense.

Atlanta +1.5 @ Washington

Wait, why are the Falcons an underdog here? Don’t answer, I know full well there’s legitimate reasons for it, but since we were just talking about frauds, look what we have here in DC! I will give them credit for getting Adrian Peterson semi-kinda back up to speed.

But that’s always the rough ends, isn’t it? Peterson playing out his final years with Washington? Somehow it’s producing fantasy points so nobody will notice.

New England -5 vs. Green Bay

Do you ever wonder what happens to the Boston sports scene once these dynasties collapse? What happens when the Patriots become a doormat again, or when the Red Sox find that second snake bite? These things are cyclical, or so you hope. I’m just curious how expectations set things up for fallen empires, if and when they do fall.

Kansas City -8.5 @ Cleveland

This line is no good but it’s comfort food baby. Hey look, I got through my top seven without a single total!

All the rest

Tampa +6.5 @ Carolina
Denver vs. Houston UNDER 46
Seattle vs. Los Angeles Chargers UNDER 48
Detroit +5 @ Minnesota
Dallas vs. Tennessee OVER 40.5