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Lions vs Vikings: What Just Happened?

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A collection of thoughts on the Lions’ loss.

NFL: Minnesota Vikings at Detroit Lions Tim Fuller-USA TODAY Sports

Yawn.

Oh hey there. I didn't see you guys. I legitimately fell asleep watching the Lions for the first time in my life on Sunday. It was only for about four minutes of the fourth quarter, but it happened. If my wife hadn’t woke me up, I would have missed the thrilling conclusion of the Lions’ 24-9 loss to the Vikings.

I was awake for the majority of the game and as always, I have thoughts on this game. These are those thoughts.

Why are the Lions out here being conservative like anything matters?

A team that was down 24-9 and not going to the playoffs punted the ball on fourth-and-one on Sunday. I can’t tell you why. The Lions are in a position where all they need to do is go out and run some school yard bull shit and see if something will work. They just need to draw up The Annexation of Puerto Rico or throw the ball to Billy Bob and give the fans a reason to cheer.

Instead they went out and played it safer than abstinence and it paid off in absolutely no way at all. They have to stop doing this. I’ll beg them to stop doing this.

Stafford’s 4,000-yard streak is over

It’s not that big of a deal. Matthew Stafford probably doesn’t care about this at all. But pending Stafford throwing 489 yards against the Packers with guys like LeGarrette Blount and Andy Jones getting targets, Stafford’s not going to get his 4,000-yard streak to an eighth season. Thanks to offensive coordinator Jim Bob Cooter, one of the best quarterbacks in the NFL has been completely castrated. In a football sense, of course.

Goodbye Glover

I think even Glover Quin knows that this is it for him in Detroit. It’s really sad. But it’s time to say goodbye and thank you to a player that’s been a constant professional on and off the field for the Lions since coming to the team in 2013. It with a heavy heart that I say one last time #BestSafetyInTheLeague.

It’s tank time!!!!!!

Everybody get on your favorite tank top, put in the tank cheat code on Grand Theft Auto and put some fish food in the fish tank. It’s time for the Lions to tank. I, for one, cannot wait until April 25th. The Lions are going to have a top-five pick and then all Lions fans can go see Avengers: End Game on opening night instead of having to wait for four hours for the team to not pick the guy you wanted in favor of a guy that’s right for the team.

I hope and pray that next week’s game is the long awaited Matt Cassell vs. Deshone Kizer matchup that we’ve always wanted and that the prophecy foretold we would get. But can Cassell help secure a loss for the Lions? Or will the Packers suddenly forget how defend passes to the flat en route to a shocking 13-9 loss?

For Lions fans, this is a familiar place. We’ve sat on this couch before and waited for Black Monday, Free agency and the Draft. Now we will again sit on this couch. So make sure you get your groove all ready to go.