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Detroit Lions Week 16 Song of the Game: “I Can’t Move” by Everlast

This one is really belated but still necessary.

Minnesota Vikings v Detroit Lions Photo by Gregory Shamus/Getty Images

The playlist is coming to its frightful end, and not a moment to spare. The holidays put me behind the 8-ball on this one. Fortunately, the Lions don’t know what that is, or how to even play pool whatsoever given their lack of initiative or offensive punch on Sunday.

Which is why, without much thought or decree, I decided that there’s nothing more fitting than a song with a title referencing the lack of offense for this team. I also figure that terrible late 90s/early aughts music is pretty much my bag now too.

Lions-Vikings Week 16 Song of the Game: “I Can’t Move” by Everlast

Detroit has one chance remaining in this calendar year before “The Lions haven’t scored 20 points in a game since November 11, 2018” becomes a real meme used throughout the offseason. Reader, it will be a very brutal offseason if this is the case.

But that’s the rub, isn’t it? There’s always a tradeoff, you’re told at least, in football. If you get a defensive-minded coach, of course your offense is going to go away! Duh! He’s focused on defense, right? No shit, no offense!

Of course that’s all facetious. Whatever. The Lions look terrible, they’re not moving and the fun they once represented has worn out. That’s why Everlast and “I Can’t Move” is perfect for this week’s action/inaction against the Minnesota Vikings. You can’t tell me differently.

Again I don’t mean to put the pun right in the title name for this, but the song itself is about dread, suspense, fear of taking the plunge. It’s decent stuff, for what it’s worth. I just know all those things also apply to the 2018 Lions offense.

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After winning their first NFC North title in 30 years, the Lions have unfinished business this offseason. Stay updated with Jeremy Reisman through Pride of Detroit Direct, our newsletter offering up exclusive analysis. Sign up with NFCNORTH30 to get 30% off after your free trial.