Sometimes a story will call out to you in the middle of a Sunday evening before bed. That’s what happened this past Sunday when a tweet reverberated through the vast halls of Twitter and left the entire city of Detroit in a full-fledged heap of excitement and panic.
Just heard from a Metro Detroit limo driver that he just picked up Raiders LB Khalil Mack and he is going to meet with #Lions GM Bob Quinn Monday. Stay tuned.......— Dan Leach (@DanLeach971) August 27, 2018
Wow. There’s a lot to digest here. Of course, fans have been begging Detroit Lions general Bob Quinn to get Khalil Mack for weeks now. So, naturally, many were ecstatic to see this tweet surface. But atlas, on Monday, we found out there was nothing to this at all.
I’m sure everyone is willing to just write this off as a dumb thing a limo driver told Dan Leach and that Leach probably made a bad decision in sharing this. That’s logical, right?
I’m not like the common American who’s ready to eat from the man’s plate with the man’s fork and the man’s knife at the man’s table.
There’s smoke around this. And where there’s smoke, there’s fire. So I decided to bring out my detective chops again. The same chops that proved that Matthew Stafford and Clayton Kershaw aren’t friends. And the same chops that proved the Ford family is purposely making the Lions mediocre in order to sell tickets.
Today we’re going to talk about the five theories I have about who or what was in that limo. Come with me POD Truthers. Let’s go down another rabbit hole.
Khalil Mack was in that limo. But why?
First let’s go with the theory that Khalil Mack was really in that limo. After a long flight from Oakland to Detroit, Khalil found himself weary from his travels. it’s then that he decided to befriend the Metro Detroit limo driver. For stories sake, let’s call the limo driver something like, I don’t know, Argyle.
Mack let Argyle know he was here to see Bob Quinn, but he wasn’t sure if Bob would end up going through with the trade. So he asked Argyle to wait in the Ford Field parking garage for him. When Mack went into Ford Field to visit with Quinn, a group of German terrorists entered the building and took everyone hostage until they agreed to put the 2011 playoff banner back up.
Mack somehow got away, but he forgot his shoes. He took them off during a routine physical and didn’t have time to put them back on. Mack soon found himself being the only man that could save the Ford family and Bob Quinn. After taking out all of the terrorists, Mack managed to save Bob and company when the leader of the terrorists fell off the top of Ford Field in slow motion. Bob’s currently working on a trade and a contract extension for Mack right now. This story, much like DeAndre Levy’s Chilean parasite, is being kept under wraps by the Lions organization.
LIMO is code for something
I’ve thought long and hard about this one. Maybe what Leach is doing here is sending out some type of signal. Maybe this is some sort of QAnon cover up that the Lions and Dan Leach are working on.
Here’s what I was thinking. L is the 12th letter in the alphabet, I is the ninth, M is the 13th and O is the 15th. 1291315. That has to be a code for something. But what? When I put that number into google with the word Detroit next to it, it brought to an article about Zach Zenner impressing Barry Sanders. That article was written by Carlos Monarrez. The same guy that uncovered the truth about the Lions being ran too much in practice.
In my opinion, this means that Carlos runs a secret society called LIMO, and their sole purpose is to get Zach Zenner a roster spot. We’re onto now Carlos.
There’s an alien in the limo
Spare me your small mindedness. I’ve seen aliens. I know they’re real, and I know they’re watching us right now. Think about this if you will: Why Khalil Mack tell a limo driver that he’s Khalil Mack? Why would he then tell him that he’s going to meet with the Lions. Why would the limo driver then tell Dan Leach?
It’s because this alien needs a host to survive. And what this alien is doing is jumping from body to body looking for the right host. When new Lions defensive end Robert Ayers landed in Detroit, the alien linked to him and told him to tell Argyle that he was Khalil Mack. The alien then linked to Argyle and of course finished with Dan Leach. We don’t know where that alien is now. But I’m guessing it’s probably linked to Kanye West or is on its way to Kanye West. I can’t tell you exactly what will happen when it gets there, but my sources say to expect the dopest album of all time.
Dan Leach is the limo driver
I’m surprised nobody though of this. Let’s go back to the questions from before. I can understand the possibility of Khalil Mack telling the limo driver who he is and what his business in Detroit was. But why would the driver tell Dan? Well that’s because the driver and Dan are one and the same.
What people don’t know about Dan is that before he got into radio, he obtained his chauffeur license in order to drive a bread truck. Dan never got rid of that licence when he got the radio job. He now moonlights as a limo driver in Metro Detroit. When he picked up Robert Ayers on Sunday night, he misheard Robert and thought he said he was Khalil Mack. This is a simple mistake that any Metro Detroit Limo Driver could have made.
Somebody said something just to say it
The final theory is that Dan Leach really did run into a Metro Detroit limo driver on Sunday night, and that driver was probably messing with Dan because he knows who Dan is. That’s probably the most realistic theory of them all.
Now forget this last theory and dive headfirst into the one about secret Zach Zenner society hell bent on getting a roster spot and taking over the world. The man’s a biologist. Imagine what he’s doing paired up with the rocket scientist the Lions just hired. How deep does this go?!!!!!! Trust no one, POD Truthers.