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Lions vs Browns: What Just Happened?

A collection of thoughts on the Lions final preseason game

NFL: Cleveland Browns at Detroit Lions Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

I’ve been covering the Detroit Lions for going on four seasons now. Yet due to my high school football duties for the Holland Sentinel, I’ve never had to cover or even watch the fourth preseason game before until this Thursday.

Honestly I wish I would have been covering a high school game instead. The Lions went out and put forth an embarrassing performance that I’m not sure how to write about but still will. They suffered a horrible 35-17 loss to the Cleveland Browns.

As always, I have thoughts on this game. These are those thoughts.

You ever see that scene is Scanners where the guys head blows up?

This is what it felt like to watch the Lions have 40 yards of offense halfway through the second quarter of the game. Look, I know this is the final game and this is nothing more than figuring out who’s going to claim the final roster spots, but this was just an embarrassing spectacle to watch. Let’s just move on.

The Jake Rudock era is over

I hope people never forget that they wanted to cut an elite quarterback and start this guy. Seriously. Never forget how dumb people can be about football.

In a game where Jake needed to show that he should be the Lions No. 1 backup, he went out and 14-of-24 for 112 yards and a touchdown. That may sound good, but almost all of the good stuff happened in the very last drives of the game.

At this point, if you’re a Rudock fan, you should be worried if he’ll ever make another team. I’m 100 percent serious. This may be the end of his playing career. Lucky for him, he’s a smart guy that could someday be a good coach.

Matt Cassel is totally making this...

In all seriousness, Cassel is obviously the Lions backup quarterback in 2018 pending a last-minute trade. Even though he had this atrocious interception, he actually played better than Rudock, even though the stats don’t show it. He finished the game going 4-11 for 64 yards and a pick.

Somewhere Aaron Rodgers is licking his chops

That’s right. The NFL’s version of the character that Don Cheadle played in Boogie Nights is looking at the pass rush this Lions team lacks and is thinking about all the stats he’s going to put up against this team.

The Lions are just incapable of getting to the quarterback. While it was only the second, third and fourth teams on Thursday, the Lions defense allowed Baker Mayfield to just do whatever he wanted in the pocket all night.

Perhaps the most embarrassing moment is when Mayfield danced around for 33 minutes without getting sacked and the Lions wound up getting called for defensive holding.

Packers fans are going to love Zach Zenner and Dwayne Washington actually looked ok.

Zenner only wound up playing two or three snaps before he left the game with an injury. At this point, he’s getting cut on Friday and I’m 98 percent sure that he will wind up with the Green Bay Packers. He will then score on the Lions in October. I’m taking this hunch to the bank.

Dwayne Washington is probably right behind Zach Zenner when it comes to getting cut, and he probably knew that too. Maybe that’s why he had a decent showing on Thursday night. He finished the night with 67 rushing yards and 47 receiving. He looked like a guy who knew he finished with some good tape for teams interested in bringing someone like him in. He’ll find a roster spot. I have no doubts about that.

Thank god it’s over

The preseason was just one big blow to any optimism anyone ever had before the season. It was just a long four weeks full of minimal good things. The regular season is just 10 days away at this point. I know that nobody is going to care when I say this, but again, it’s only preseason. The Lions and every team in the NFL are running vanilla at every single phase. Don’t get too discouraged, even if the Lions have some work they desperately need to do in those 10 days.

Here’s a song that’ll probably make you feel better.