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New York Jets v Detroit Lions Photo by Rey Del Rio/Getty Images

What happened on Monday night in Detroit was inexcusable on every front.

It was a disaster in waiting, one everyone was able to wave away due to various factors we assume in the sport of football. Preseason, jitters, a hidden playbook. All was taken for granted and things would be groovy on Sept. 10. No. This was the global warming of the Detroit Lions. 48-17 Jets over the Lions, and you’d think maybe there was a breakdown on one side of the ball. No sir. This was a meltdown in every element.

Would you believe this game was tied at some point? I wouldn’t.

If you read the site or listen to the PODcast, you know me. I’m supposed to be the joke man. I’m the adequate host. In 5 Questions, I’m a loon, I’m supposed to be the guy who just kinda throws spitballs. These are roles I quite like, for various, sometimes personal, reasons!

But after Monday night, I don’t know where you find the spin on this.

Jim Caldwell was fired for this. I get reasons why you might not like the pedigree of Caldwell’s background, but if you’re here to argue about why the results he put out were enough to replace him I don’t want to hear it. A Caldwell-led Lions squad would have never looked like this. Yes, they looked better when they got stomped by the Cardinals even. I would put money on it, and I happen to owe quite a bit in student loans right now too!

There have been some truly questionable coaches walking NFL sidelines in the past decade. We had Ben McAdoo coaching the Giants, which, I still don’t know how that happened. They all somehow got their teams to look more prepared for the season than the Lions were under Matt Patricia.

Patricia comes from that vaunted Patriots coaching tree—the same one that’s produced Charlie Weis, Romeo Crennel and Eric Mangini. You can go look up what those men accomplished and we’ll talk again.

All talk of Matthew Stafford as a top-ten quarterback? That’s over for the time being. Put it back in the jar, folks, there’s no reason to even argue about this. What we saw last night looked, to my admittedly layman-eyes, like all progress of the past five seasons had been reversed.

Where do you want to put the defense here? Where do you even start? You know how we used to ask if the University of Alabama could beat the Jacksonville Jaguars? It’s time to start playing that game with the Lions. I would take the Crimson Tide and lay three points—six if Darius Slay isn’t playing. Once again, I have student loan payments to make.

Establish the run? My God man, once more this team averaged 2.4 yards per attempt. Can someone fix this vinyl record?

Injuries, man. Injuries. I know every time a professional football team takes the field you expect a butcher’s bill in some form or another, but the Lions seem destined to throw a five-course state feast. Is there something that’s being done wrong? Can there be? Can this be fixed? I don’t want to get all the King’s men.

I’m not going to say those three words. Some people are saying them, some people desperately want to. This team was looking like it could go places. Instead of finding the coach to take them to the next level, the Lions appear to have jumped off their wagon as they were crossing the Columbia.

I don’t have the time or the patience for finding the measured side of this. Lions fans who don’t want to be, you are allowed to be too! You were sold a bill of goods that this Lions team wasn’t going to be this.

Maybe the Jets will be good. Maybe Sam Darnold will be the next great quarterback, bring New York to hallowed grounds. But all that said, Darnold was irrelevant shortly after the second quarter. He didn’t need to do anything. The Lions just shot themselves in the foot, over and over, until it was all over.

That’s what stinks.

May next week bring a little more clarity, but be careful what that shape might take.

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After winning their first NFC North title in 30 years, the Lions have unfinished business this offseason. Stay updated with Jeremy Reisman through Pride of Detroit Direct, our newsletter offering up exclusive analysis. Sign up with NFCNORTH30 to get 30% off after your free trial.