For once, I got a win, and with it, the opening paragraphs.
It’s ice tonight baby, not that it matters when we’re talking gridiron. Vegas’ big time is back up and running with the Golden Knights out there. We won’t be talking about any of it. It’s football season, ice belongs in my drinks, the Red Wings aren’t bad at all.
Honestly that’s all I got. Red Wings good, need to reference them. Check. Vegas has a hockey team. Got that out of the way.
Let’s pick some football games. Ryan’s off this week for personal matters.
Chris’s Record: 18-18-1 (Last week 5-2-1)
Ryan’s Record: 15-16 (Last week 3-5)
San Francisco at LA Rams -3
I am still working to process the 49ers being, y’know, good. It’s a foul reality to deal with and one that has already lost charm. Nevertheless, I think there’s real value to be had on San Francisco, and this line has already dropped two points from Los Angeles’ favor, down to just the requisite home field three points.
Not only that, but the 49ers are currently the top ranked team in DVOA efficiency, with second in offense and fourth in defense. Blend that with an undefeated record and there’s bound to be a come-down game at some point. But against the Rams? I don’t think so. Even more hell should be expected in LA should the Rams lose this outright. San Francisco +3.
Houston at Kansas City -5
Did the Lions had up the blueprint to defeating Patrick Mahomes and the Chiefs on a silver platter? Maybe. Am I supposed to feel proud about this? If I’m a Lions player or coach, probably not! Cool, yeah, they’re using the blueprint to beat the Chiefs now—but the Lions didn’t. You just let the whole room copy your paper and they all got A’s and somehow you’re slumming a C+.
Anyway I don’t think Kansas City is “solved” but they’ll hurt for a bit, everyone will panic, and then they’ll stop playing these hyper-hot world-beaters and we’ll marvel at Mahomes again. Houston is a world-beater right now. Houston +5.
Dallas -7 at NY Jets
Hold up now, we’re not just going to pretend like Sam Darnold is going to come back from mono and start throwing like he was in the bloody preseason, are we? Get out of here with that. Dallas -7.
Philadelphia at Minnesota -3
I’ll be honest, I’ve been slumming my way through my watchlists for TV shows and anime more than thinking about the matchups this weekend. It happens. You eventually start taking the season for granted, things get comfortable—and then that usually bites you in the rear.
But man there are some ugly games this weekend, and I know just by saying that I invite people to chime in somewhere where I won’t read, squealing about how every game is a must-watch if I truly love the sport. Man, I love football but you can’t get me to watch Atlanta and Arizona slug it out to pathetic ends. I’d rather catch up on “Vinland Saga.”
Oh right, that reminds me now, the Vikings have to play another game, don’t they? Philadelphia +3.
More picks I like
Baltimore -11 vs. Cincinnati
Detroit at Green Bay UNDER 47
NY Giants at New England OVER 41
Will the Dolphins beat the spread?
Current line: Washington -3.5 at Miami
Dolphins record ATS: 0-4
Chris: This is the lowest it’s going to be all season and everything sucks. This game is not just a dumpster on fire. This is the Chernobyl of dumpsters. Fox should be protesting the very airing of this game on their affiliates. Nobody should watch this. Nobody should think about this game. It is a blight upon the Earth.
...but I’m still going to bet it. Washington -3.5.