Super Bowl Prop Bets, Part 2: Another 6 things to gamble on

Gambling is such a peculiar development in human history. Caillois identified it as the part of our patterns of play, the backbone of alea, but it’s still a mystery as to why man forged a die and started wagering money on its outcome. Fast forward a few tens of thousands of years in development and we’re still looking to gamble not simply on another game, but on the peripheries of that game.

Ryan was kind enough to spearhead the first installment of our yearly Super Bowl degenerates section, and now the Adequacy takes the charge. My own pick in props largely comes from Odds Shark, although I’ll deny that I did just that.

Will a fan run onto the field during the game?

Yes +800
No -2500

Chris: I’m kind of nutty but I like the value on Yes. But the question here is really this: If a fan did run onto the field, would we even know?

The broadcasts of today have become utterly ruthless about interruptions during these events. At best they’re largely ignored; at worst the broadcasters will talk about it while the camera is completely cut away to something boring like a coach talking. Half the time, the broadcaster will also talk about how stupid and idiotic that said person is. I can’t disagree with any of this more.

The whole thing reeks of too much self-seriousness in sports. Show the person, who cares? If anything it’ll make things interesting. Who is going to be hurt showing the disruption? Do you think it’s just going to inspire more people? They were going to run out there anyway!

Ryan: Remember when Kevin Harlan had that incredible call on Westwood One during Week 1 of the 2016 season? That time a fan ran onto the field during an already-decided “Monday Night Football” game between a Jeff Fisher-led Rams team and the San Francisco 49ers? Maybe the best call of Harlan’s career right there, and he’s had quite the career, mind you.

I’m going with “No” because Chris is right, something seems fishy. I’d rather not bet on this at all. You think I’m trusting the book? Whichever line they’re going to make money on, that’s where this is going.

Will a non-QB throw a touchdown?

Yes +350
No -600

Chris: This is the year of the trick play, trickeration, flea flicker, I don’t even know what you call it. The Patriots seem to like to try a reversal at least once a game these days but I don’t think it’s going to happen in the big one, and it certainly won’t connect. No.

Ryan: After the Philly Special last Super Bowl—that was originally run by the Detroit Lions in Week 17 on a two-point conversion after their season, and Jim Caldwell, were as good as toast—I don’t think we’re seeing a non-QB throw a touchdown pass.

Sure, Julian Edelman is a former quarterback, and maybe the Rams might have Hekker throw for a first down, but for a touchdown? Nah, I’m going with “No.”

Will there be a scoreless quarter in the game?

Yes +300
No -400

Chris: For all the talk of offensive innovation, the happening of a scoreless quarter is still well in the books. The value on Yes is quite nice, especially when you consider how things can slow down in the second or third quarter.

Ryan: The odds on “Yes” are too good to pass up. The Patriots offense is a team predicated on ball control, and Jared Goff is putting on his most important pair of big-boy pants so far in his young career. I can see the first quarter ending in a stalemate.

Who will the Super Bowl MVP mention first in his speech?

Teammates +175
God +190
Family or Family Member +500
Owner +550
City +1000
Coach +1100
Does not mention any of the above +400

Chris: I’m shocked to see teammates above God, to be honest. Maybe I’ve been watching too much boxing lately; there, a victorious prize fighter always thanks god while going on an incomprehensible rant and completely ignoring the question of the interviewer.

Since this sport is notorious to rip apart anyone who doesn’t show proper deference to the pack, I’ll go with Teammates being mentioned first. If the Pats win, Tom Brady will absolutely do this, although outside chance he mentions family first, but that bet is useless for anyone else.

Ryan: Aaron Donald “Does not mention any of the above.” Instead, he will first mention Stiga after ending the Patriots dynasty and become their official spokesperson for all things table tennis.

What color will the liquid be that is poured on the game-winning coach?

Lime/green/yellow +225
Orange +300
Blue +375
Red +400
Clear/water +400
Purple +1000

Chris: You know I look forward to betting on this one every year, and then I forget what Gatorade they use in the end. I never pay attention. I like to think they use some sort of color that’s relevant to team colors, but I don’t think that’s right. Whatever, put me down for Orange.

Ryan: Chris, when we did this two years ago, you picked orange, and you didn’t have a reason then, either.

Are players really drinking that much Gatorade these days? Didn’t we gain a public consciousness about how added sugar isn’t good for you? When we did this two years ago, I picked clear, but now I get the distinction of “Clear/water” at even better odds. Hooray!

What will happen to the price of Bitcoin during the Super Bowl?

Price is more at the end of the game -130
Price is less at the end of the game -110

Chris: I chose this one because I’m eternally fascinated with the horrific gambling machine called cryptocurrency. Whatever intentions there were for this at the start are gone now. It’s a giant slot machine that’s also eating up more energy than Denmark.

Bitcoin is on a massive plunge and hasn’t stopped, mostly because all the sharks have gotten out of the pool and onto other ventures. Every other “hodl”er (this is a Reddit thing I guess) is left with some turds. Price is less at end of the game.

Ryan: How much Bitcoin do you think Billy McFarland claimed to have had when he was forging documents and defrauding investors? This couldn’t be a Super Bowl prop, but it’s something I’d bet on. Setting the over/under at $1.5 million.

“Price is less at the end of the game.”