2019 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: The Final 4

Name Fatigue is a real thing.

We’ve reached the Final Four of our 2019 NFL Name Bracket Tournament, and three of the four finalists are rookies. The other is a Hawaiian name, so that makes sense, too.

And while the last round saw one of our dearest champions fall, it appears the Name Backet Hacker has gone dormant. They may have disrupted our early rounds, but we have wrestled control of this thing back from the grasps of evil.

You can take our Beau Benzschawels. You can rob us of our Miles Killebrews. BUT THE NAME BRACKET TOURNAMENT WILL FOREVER BE OURS.

2. Leo Koloamatangi vs. 5. Isaac Nauta

Leo Koloamatangi is a name that clearly values surnames. I appreciate any last name that challenges the length of a jersey

Photo by David Dennis/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images

(Note: This is actually a picture of his brother and superior name-holder Meffy Koloamatangi.)

Look at that. I’m a never-waste kind of guy, and Koloamatangi doesn’t waste an inch of that jersey. Who wants boring white shoulders when you can throw some vowels on that bad boy? Use all the meat on the bones. Use all the letters of the alphabet. Koloamatangi currently holds the longest last name on the team and that counts for something.

Instead of talking about Isaac Nauta, let’s lay to rest Dee Virgin.

It was Virgin’s first tournament, and like a lot of first-timers, it ended prematurely. At first, it seemed amazing. For a while there, things go ugly. And, of course, after it was all over, there was mostly disappointment and confusion with only a twinge of satisfaction. Don’t worry, bud, it gets better. WAY better.

3. Amani Oruwariye vs. 2. Jahlani Tavai

The other semifinal match features a showcase of vowels. Three of the four names end with an “i”. I don’t have a single friend, family or acquaintance that has a last name ending in “i.” This just goes to show you that these are professionals. You probably think you know someone from high school and think. “Hey, if he had really put his mind to it, he would have easily made the Name Bracket.” Uh, no. This is a whole different class of Name Athletes we’re talking about right now. They’d put Ryan McPopular to shame like Serena Williams dunked on the Dude Perfect Guys.

Personally, I’ve got Jahlani Tavai in this matchup. Amani Oruwariye is a little clunky, while Jahlani Tavai is smooth as hell. Amani Oruwariye is spoiled chunky milk. Jahlani Tavai is chocolate peanut butter smoothie.