2019 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Round 2, Part 2

This is it. The final chance for Detroit Lions to make their way into the Sweet 16 of the 2019 Name Bracket Tournament. The #WeOwnThePackers and Jace Billingsley Memoriam regions feature a bunch of new names that could make deep runs into this tournament, but some will have to outduel some classic Lions names.

I would like to remind voters that there is a current ceasefire in place. Please no poll hacking. You can recruit as many friends to vote for your favorite name, but I would ask that you not spam the polls yourself.

1. Beau Benzschawel vs. 9. Trey Flowers

Beau Benzschawel pulled in all but 15 votes in his first-round matchup against Tavon Wilson. It was an unfair fate for Wilson, whose name probably is worthy of a better seed than 16. Our apologies to the Wilson family.

This round, Benzschawel will have a much tougher matchup. He’s going against a tray of flowers Trey Flowers. Flowers has a pretty solid name, but what may be tough for Benzschawel is the newbie factor here. Flowers is at the peak of his Lions popularity right now—seeing as he’s yet to play a single snap for Detroit but is a highly-touted free agent signing. Everyone loves the marquee signings, and he can only go down from here.

But if we’re being objective here, Beau Benzschawel is just a way superior name. It’s got a bunch of vowels, it’s alliterative, and, hey, there’s a Z for no reason!

5. Nick Bawden vs. 4. Tommylee Lewis

“Bawdy” Bawden will go up against Two Face himself, Tommylee “Jones” Lewis. This is a tough matchup for Lewis, and I’d hate to see him get helplessly blindsided.

Side note, kudos to Lewis for being the only person in that entire stadium wearing black and gold that wasn’t losing their damn mind after that play. Is there anything worse than a receiver who begs for a flag after every single play? Tommylee Lewis is a damn hero for not going all Tom Izzo Bobby Knight (know your crowd, Jeremy), even if he had every reason to do so.

11. Ryan Santoso vs. 3. Amani Oruwariye

Santoso pulled off the biggest (non-cheating) first-round upset of the tournament. He edged out Rashaan Melvin by a 34-vote margin.

Santoso sounds like one of those music terms that is derived from Italian. Without looking it up, it probably means “to punt LOUDLY.” Okay, Sam. We’re pinned against our own end zone. We’re going to need you to kick the ball, but with some serious santoso.

Every single person I’ve met has called Amani Oruwariye “Armani” at least once. I’ve done it. I’ve had to edit at least five or six articles from our staff. It’s littered in our comment section. A name that throws that kind of confusion into a fanbase is a name I can get behind. Plus that last name is a workout.

7. Graham Glasgow vs. 2. Teez Tabor

Oooooh, buddy. This is what the Name Bracket is all about. Alliteration vs. Alliteration. Graham vs. Teez. Michigan vs. Florida. Offense vs. Defense. Peanut Butter vs. Jelly. Alien vs. Predator. Brown vs. Board of Education. The People vs. Larry Flynt.

Wait, where am I?

Oh, vote or something.

1. Darius Slay vs. 8. Don Muhlbach

Folks, we may not have escaped the poll hacking. Darius Slay just barely beat out Matthew Stafford in the first round. Their poll had nearly double the votes (876) of every other matchup. Well, all but one other matchup in this region. Don Muhlbach beat out Kerryon Johnson by a 51-49 margin with over 1,000 votes tallied. Color me skeptical.

I get the feeling someone is trying to give Muhlbach one last run before he retires.

HAHAHA JUST KIDDING MUHLBACH IS FOREVER DON’T EVEN JOKE ABOUT THIS YOU IDIOT.

5. Romeo Okwara vs. 4. Luke Bowanko

Romeo Okwara is one of the most unique names in this tournament. Very, very, very rarely do we see a first name run right into a last name so fluidly. It’s the little things in life that make me happy. RomeOkwara. If you can’t love something like that, you’re probably one of the snobs who “outgrew” Weird Al. Wow, how mature of you.

I will forever call Luke Bowanko “Luke Placido Bowanko” because of my first-round discovery. I hope he sticks around, because that’s just a ton of fun to say. Hard K sounds are the best, and LB’s got two of them.

6. Jalen Reeves-Maybin vs. 3. Darius Kilgo

To me, this is one of the most lopsided second-round matches. Darius Kilgo is an amazing name, while Jalen Reeves-Maybin is just long and arduous. It would be one thing if it was an interesting and challenging name, but it’s just long and boring. Jalen Reeves-Maybin is the foot-long hot dog of this tournament (not a compliment).

Mr. Kilgo is a straight Bond villain. Hopefully one year he gets his doctorate, because Dr. Kilgo is just a half step more menacing.

10. Danny Amendola vs. 2. Jahlani Tavai

Amendola smoted Ryan Pope in the first round, and I’m not exactly sure why. It’s a fine name, but it doesn’t exactly blow me away either. I guess it makes me smile a little when I say Amedola oblongata.

I’ll just say it. Jahlani Tavai is my favorite name in this tournament. The reasons are self evident.