First, a little background on this: for the last few years, I had planned to submit an entry to Deadspin for their annual Why Your Team Sucks NFL preview. However, life would get it in the way and/or I would forget to submit before the deadline, and I would tell myself that I would remember the next year. Well, after missing the 2019 deadline, I committed to the idea and prepared an entry that I would send over to Deadspin after the season ended. However, at the end of October, Drew Magary (the writer of the WYTS series) resigned from Deadspin as part of the fallout from new ownership essentially telling the writers on staff to "stick to sports" (a discussion for another time). With Magary's resignation, I think it is safe to assume that WYTS will be no more (though if it is revived I will be sure to send in my entry, probably), but I still wanted to share it somewhere, and I figured PoD would be a place where people could appreciate it in some capacity. So without further ado, here is the entry I would've submitted (which, sadly, is 100% true).
My junior year of high school, I was named the starting quarterback for the varsity football team. Historically, my high school hasn't had much success in football (okay, we stink), but I felt that my teammates and I were primed to buck that trend, and a successful season would help me achieve my dream of playing big-time college football.
The season started, and things did not go as expected, to put it mildly. We got our asses kicked in the first two games, and then I suffered a season-ending injury in the first quarter of our third game (another blowout loss). I then spent the rest of the season recovering from surgery and watching the team get blown out week after week on the way to an 0-10 season. However, at least I could find some solace in the Detroit Lions. While they were also going through some lean years, the Lions were still good for a couple wins a year that could provide me with some joy.
There was just one problem: the year was 2008. So, my fall consisted of standing on the sidelines on Friday nights watching my high school team lose (and lose badly), then tracking the Lions box score in horror each Sunday as they too lost in simply lopsided fashion, getting to experience winless seasons as a player and fan simultaneously.
But wait, it gets better. The cherry on the top of this whole story? My high school mascot is the Lions.