Quarantine thoughts: 5 things I think about the Detroit Lions this week

Hey all you cool cats and kittens. It’s day 375 of the quarantine, and I’ve reached the point of seclusion that involves us trying to train our pets to do every day chores so they can help carry some weight around here, and we can stay on the couch and eat cupcakes and stuff. It’s not working out. But we did train the dog to wait till we do that thing that Brad Pitt does in “Once Upon A Time In Hollywood” before he eats. We can’t believe it either.

Anyhow, even though we’re stuck here and there are no spots and real Lions news has come in at a molasses-like rate, I still have some thoughts on the Lions. Let’s call them my quarantine thoughts. They’re all over the place, but they’re thoughts nonetheless. Here’s the five I have this week.

1. What are the Lions going to do about a punter?

That’s right. We’re starting this thing off with the sexiest position in football. Lost in everything going on in the world is the fact that Sam Martin signed with the Broncos. I’ll put it on front street. I cover this team for money, and I totally forgot Martin was a free agent until he signed with the Broncos. He just slid under the radar. So what are the Lions gonna do?

Well let’s look at free agency real quick. There are exactly two punters available according to Spotrac. Matt Bosher and Lachlan Edwards. Bosher just got cut by the Falcons and Edwards just isn’t that great. So that means the Lions have to go to the draft. That’s where Braden Mann of Texas A&M is the hottest prospect. At the moment, Mann is slated to go somewhere in the first five rounds.

The good news is that Mann has already been linked to the Lions when he worked under Matt Patricia at the Senior Bowl. This is a move the Lions should nail with no problem. We’ll see what happens next week.

Note: It’s worth pointing out that the Lions did sign two punters to futures deals: Jack Fox and Matt Wile. Though neither should be considered locks to be on this roster.

2. Does Matthew Stafford have enough weapons right now?

It’s been an interesting week in the Matthew Stafford world. For some reason, former New York Knicks forward Jalen Rose thinks the Lions should take Tua Tagovailoa with the third overall pick. Louis Riddicks response to the former Suns legend has started a real discussion on people surrounding Stafford during his time in Detroit.

So let’s see what we have here. We still don’t really know what Kerryon Johnson is yet. We don’t know if Bo Scarbrough is for real or not. Kenny Golladay is one of the best receivers in the game. But Marvin Jones Jr. is 30 and has declined over the last two seasons. Danny Amendola worked really hard in 2019 but will be 35 this year. Is this the year Father Time finally catches up with him? Then there’s T.J. Hockenson. His rookie year was on point for most tight ends, but we don’t know whether or not he takes the next step that some tight ends never take or not.

So should the Lions be looking to add another receiver in the draft? If so, when should they add him? If the Lions do wind up trading down, they should take a look at their options in the first round should they get more than one first-round pick in exchange.

3. Will the Lions be the team that gets screwed over by the virtual draft?

We’re all thinking about it, right? Every time the league creates a new rule or circumstance, the Lions are the first team to get screwed over by it. This is probably going to happen to the Lions again right? Probably next week.

I know that my internet sucks all the time, and I’m not alone on this. Now, imagine I have to rely on that same internet to stay afloat while the whole country stares at me. Then I think about Madden and how you get five minutes to make your pick in the draft or it just auto drafts the guy that’s 68 overall and plays a position you don’t need.

Now imagine Bob Quinn is sitting there and he spills a white wine spritzer all over his Dell and the Lions wind up auto drafting Shea Patterson with the third pick. More realistically, imagine Bob is trying to trade down in the first round and his internet goes out, and he’s unable to communicate with the league or the trade partner before the time is up and the trade winds up going null and the Lions have to use that pick. It’s not the end of the world, but it definitely throws them off their gameplan.

4. Are we even getting a season this year and how is everyone doing right now?

For the first time in my life, I have no idea what the future holds. I mean, most the time I can’t say for sure, but I have an idea of where things are going and I can do my best to control the trajectory. But right now, we have no control over anything. We’re all just waiting to see what happens.

It’s hard to think about September football as a possibility right now, because things don’t appear to be getting better at all. It’s also hard to imagine that by July, when training camp is slated to begin, that everything is going to be back to normal and football will be in full swing. I feel like if we get football this year, it’s going to be in empty stadiums for a while—if not, the whole season. Also how do you monitor COVID-19 with over 50 players and a ton of additional staff on top of that? I just don’t think it’s happening this year, and I hope I’m wrong.

Aside from that, how is everyone doing? I know that I have been an anxiety-riddled mess, and I have constantly worried about catching this virus. I’m afraid to leave the house, and I’m terrified for my parents and the rest of my friends and family. More than anything, I just want to return to normalcy. I’m sure that I’m not alone right now. If anyone wants to talk, feel free to talk to me on Twitter. Otherwise I recommend BetterHelp. It’s a bit costly, but so worth it to talk with trained professionals if you need it. We’ll get through this together.

5. Will the Lions get Joe Exotic out of prison in time to have him play the Thanksgiving halftime show over Toto?

I, like everyone else, have been obsessed with “Tiger King” on Netflix. I can’t say I know for sure, but my sources (my imagination) tells me that Rod Wood has been obsessed, too. Wood is currently working with his team of high priced lawyers to spring Exotic from jail and give him a job as something of a mascot for the Lions.

Wood will then continue to ignore calls from Toto’s road manager and commission Exotic to sing this song on Thanksgiving day. Note that he will replace all mentions of tigers with lions.

Also the Detroit Tigers will hire Exotic as a third base coach.