2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Round 2, Part 2

The right hemisphere of the 2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket was fairly boring in the first round. While it’s true that we had our very first runoff vote due to a tie, ultimately, there was only one first-round upset. Maybe this tournament is missing a hacking villain, maybe the depth of this year’s field is just not as good.

Or maybe, just maybe, the fireworks are being saved for Round 2.

I’m putting my money on that last one.

Round 2 has one of the most highly-anticipated matchups that I can remember in this contest, and everyone’s inner five-year-old is about to come out.

Here is the right half of the 2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket.

Let’s get into the matchups:

1. Quintez Cephus vs. 8. Geronimo Allison

I love the name Quintez Cephus. It puts words and sounds together in new ways that I had never even imagined. His name was a revelation to the English language in a way similar to those tear-inducing videos of deaf people hearing for the first time. The first name flows into the second. After working through the name “Quintez,” “see-fuss” is a nice, easy dessert. His name is a five-course meal.

Geronimo Allison is a fine name, because who doesn’t want to have a name that people scream at you? That’s why I’m thinking about changing my name to Bonsai or Cowabunga or Kablamo Reisman. Oh my god, do you guys remember the cartoon “KaBlam?”

Anyways, vote.

5. Nick Bawden vs. 4. Oday Aboushi

Nick Bawden is the toughest name on the team, so it’s only appropriate that he plays one of the most rugged, physical positions in football. His name is also an anagram for “Bad New Nick.” Is that a good or a bad thing? That’s up for you to decide.

Oday Aboushi is an E short of hitting every vowel in the alphabet, but his name hits just about every possible sound a vowel makes. I couldn’t find his middle name, but I suspect it’s something like eee-iii-eee-iii-ooo.

We stan for vowels in the Name Bracket tournament, so you know my choice here.

6. Trey Flowers vs. 3. Jeremiah Dinson

If you don’t sing Trey Flowers’ name to the chorus of Dr. Octagon’s “Blue Flowers,” what are you doing with your life?

Jeremiah Dinson is such a polite name to me. It’s hard for me not to say it in a British, royal accent, like he’s a character straight out of “Downton Abbey.” I’ve never seen that show, but here’s a line of dialogue from the show that I imagine takes place in each episode.

Count Hampton Cromwell: “Dear me, is that the Jeremiah Dinson before me?”
Sir Jeremiah Dinson: “Indubitably.”
[End credits]

7. Dee Virgin vs. 2. John Penisini

Here it is. The most anticipated second-round matchup in Name Bracket history. I will not get in the way of this matchup. This is like when the announcers go silent during a historic moment in sports.

I will let this matchup speak for itself. Have at it.

1. Beau Benzschawel vs. 8. Kenny Wiggins

Let’s talk about the last name Benzschawel. First off, if his family doesn’t have at least one person with the first or middle name “Mercedes,” they’re doing it wrong. Secondly, how in the world is a 11-letter name with a friggin’ z and a w only two syllables? That’s like fitting the gym rope you climb in high school through the eye of a needle. His name is literally a magic trick.

Kenny Wiggins was the winner of our first ever runoff vote when he exactly tied Jack Fox in the preliminary vote.

One could say he “wiggled” his way into this round. But Beau Benzschawel is about to teach him a thing or two about this tournament.

5. Frank Ragnow vs. 4. Reggie Ragland

The name Frank has stood the test of time. While it is certainly associated with a past generation, I feel like it still holds up pretty well. Whether it be Frank, Danny Devito’s character from “It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia” or the generous t-shirt lender in the movie “Billy Madison” Frank is a name of that is long associated with comedy. I think it’s the hard K sound.

From there, this is just a battle of Rs. Ragnow vs. Ragland. Do you prefer the alliteration of Reggie Ragland or the near-alliterative F-Rank Ragnow?

This is a hell of a matchup, and I’d love to hear some reasoning for your choices in the comment section.

11. Kevin Strong vs. 3. Arryn Siposs

You all were very, very wrong to vote Kevin Strong in over Jonah Jackson, and I’m very disappointed in you. Yes, you, the person reading this right now. I don’t care if you voted for Jonah Jackson or didn’t vote at all. It was your fault for not spreading the Word of Jonah. Now you must be punished with this extremely lopsided matchup of my new favorite Aussie Arryn Siposs making him look like Kevin Weak.

And if this becomes one of those points in the tournament where you start voting Kevin Strong to spite me, I will post the Aaron Rodgers Hail Mary in the next 100 articles I write.

YES, I’M HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE.

7. Dan Skipper vs. 2. Caleb Benenoch

This is a classic old vs. new matchup. The classic, good-ole’-boy name Dan vs. the new-age private-schooled Caleb.

But where both shine is that last name. While Dan decides to keep it on-theme with a good-natured “Skipper,” Caleb blindsides us with whatever Benenoch represents. I like jarring. I like things that challenge my understanding of the world as I knew it. So I’m choosing new-age Caleb Benenoch over Pleasantville’s Dan Skipper.