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2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: The Sweet 16

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The Sweet 16 kicks off without the bracket’s favorite to win it all.

It finally happened, y’all.

After a quiet few weeks, the 2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament finally saw some serious disruption in the voting, and it came at a heavy, heavy price.

As soon as the field was released, John Penisini was far and away the favorite to win the tournament. I can’t put my finger on what poked out about his name. It didn’t seem like the full package, and there was a lot of stiff competition in his region. His name just seemed a little flaccid to me.

But I let you all dictate who are the true winners here, and I try to stay out of the way—for the most part. Unfortunately, all it takes is one person to derail the thing entirely.

On Monday night after recording the podcast, I checked in on the matchup of the tournament: Penisini vs. Dee Virgin. Much to my shock, Virgin had taken the lead. That poll had over 200 more votes than the other Round 2 polls, so it was clear there was something afoot.

Looking to keep this as fair as possible, I alerted the public of this indecency.

The Penisini crowd stood firm and quickly retook the lead. I sent one last warning to the crowd. There would be a winner by high-noon.

Penisini is dead. Long live Penisini.

Here are the surviving final 16 names in the 2020 bracket.

1. Amani Oruwariye vs. 4. Bo Scarbrough

Many are thrown by the name Oruwariye, as it feels like a mouthful. But if you take your time and are patient with it, it’s really not that tough of a name to say.

However, today I want to focus on the name Amani. In Swahili it means peace. In Arabic, it means aspiration. Hell, Amani is even a historic currency in Afghanistan. It harkens back to the era of one of the best-named players in NFL history, Amani Toomer. Aside from simply being a fun name to say, it’s got some serious history.

I’m certainly less enthusiastic about the name Bo Scarbrough. Bo is a great sports name, and Scarbrough is a good take on an old classic. It deserves it’s chance in the Sweet 16, but I can’t see it making any noise from here on out.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 70%
    Amani Oruwariye
    (370 votes)
  • 29%
    Bo Scarbrough
    (155 votes)
525 votes total Vote Now

11. Da’Shawn Hand vs. 2. Halapoulivaati Vaitai

Sorry, y’all. I just don’t get the excitement around Da’Shawn Hand. Maybe y’all were dreaming of a Hand-Penisini finals, but those dreams are dead now and so should Hand’s run in this tournament. The apostrophed name was played out years ago. It’s time to move on.

And what better name to move on to than Halapoulivaati Vaitai? As a reminder, this daunting name can be made incredibly simple by just singing his name to the tune of “Play that Funky Music (White Boy).” Ha-lah-poo-li-vah-tee viiiiiiieeeee tiiiiiiiiieeeeee.

The best part of his name? The names of his younger brothers are Kevin and William. Their parents just straight up gave up after naming Big V. We’re done here. Pull out the common names book and we’ll pick the most common names possible. Amazing.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 28%
    Da’Shawn Hand
    (147 votes)
  • 71%
    Halapoulivaati Vaitai
    (373 votes)
520 votes total Vote Now

1. Miles Killebrew vs. 4. D’Andre Swift

Killebrew continues to make one last crack at a championship in what could very well be his final Name Bracket Tournament. It would make for quite a story if Killebrew could take down the tournament, almost like an actor being given a lifetime achievement award without ever winning an Oscar. Killebrew has always deserved the title, but shenanigans have always gotten in his way.

He faces some serious competition this week, and unfortunately for Killebrew, it’s a fresh name. D’Andre Swift does have the tired apostrophe, but Swift is just a perfect name for a running back of his calibre.

Personally, I like Killebrew here, but Name Fatigue may give Swift the edge here.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 43%
    Miles Killebrew
    (228 votes)
  • 56%
    D’Andre Swift
    (296 votes)
524 votes total Vote Now

3. Jahlani Tavai vs. 2. Olive Sagapolu

Both Southern California boys with origins in Hawaii (Tavai went to college there, Sagapolu was born there), this is a battle of amazing names.

I’m going to call this the battle of peanut butter names. Let me explain. Jahlani Tavai is that smooth, creamy peanut butter. The names are like waves, connected by soft consonants like L and N. Olive (oh-lee-vay) Sagapolu, is crunchy peanut butter, with the hard G and P sounds acting as peanut chunks along the way.

I love both crunchy and smooth peanut butter, so I will leave the choice to you.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 48%
    Jahlani Tavai
    (253 votes)
  • 51%
    Olive Sagapolu
    (267 votes)
520 votes total Vote Now

1. Quintez Cephus vs. 4. Oday Aboushi

According to Urban Dictionary, the name Quintez means

Tall but skinny (put he still laying that pipe down).

6-foot-1, 207 pounds. Yeah, checks out.

This is really a battle between consonants at their best (Quintez Cephus) and vowels at their best (Oday Aboushi). Normally, I’d take vowels in a landslide, but Quintez Cephus really utilizes that S sound to its full potential.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 69%
    Quintez Cephus
    (355 votes)
  • 30%
    Oday Aboushi
    (158 votes)
513 votes total Vote Now

6. Trey Flowers vs. 7. Dee Virgin

Oh god, Flowers vs. Virgin.

Nope, no commentary here. Just vote.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 36%
    Trey Flowers
    (186 votes)
  • 63%
    Dee Virgin
    (324 votes)
510 votes total Vote Now

1. Beau Benzschawel vs. 4. Reggie Ragland

Reggie Ragland barely survived his Round 2 matchup against Frank Ragnow, edging out the young center by just six votes. Alliteration reigns supreme in this tournament, but Beau Benzschawel has that box checked along with a hell of a one-two punch with Beau and Benzschawel.

Personally, I don’t think Ragland has much left after his bout with Ragnow, but he would make for a nice cinderella story if he can pull a big upset here.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 68%
    Beau Benzschawel
    (360 votes)
  • 31%
    Reggie Ragland
    (163 votes)
523 votes total Vote Now

3. Arryn Siposs vs. 7. Dan Skipper

Why is Dan Skipper even here, y’all? I’m going with the Man Down Under by a landslide here.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 48%
    Arryn Siposs
    (257 votes)
  • 51%
    Dan Skipper
    (272 votes)
529 votes total Vote Now