2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament: Round 2, Part 1

Although the first round of the 2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket tournament took longer than normal, it was met without much controversy. There weren’t many upsets. As far as I can tell, there was no poll hacking. And the comment sections was eerily peaceful.

It’s quiet. Almost too quiet.

Thankfully, the tournament is about to pick up as we weed out the contenders from the pretenders. And that means we’re going to start butting heads, which is the appropriate body part to butt, as this is a PG tournament (for now).

So let’s get to some body butting.

Here’s a look at the left side of the bracket:

1. Amani Oruwariye vs. 9. Jeff Okudah

This is a solid second-round matchup after Okudah shockingly upset fan favorite Don Muhlbach in the first round. This is an excellent display of the power of vowels, but I have to give the edge here to Amani Oruwariye. We’re in the point of the tournament where you have to bring it with both names. The Matts, Ryans, Mikes, Jacks, Jason and Johns will have no place in the rest of this tournament (unless, apparently, you have a sex organ in your last name).

Okudah is a fine last name, but Jeff has nothing on Amani.

5. Jesse James vs. 4. Bo Scarbrough

How long will the novelty of sharing the name of an American outlaw last? There’s not much else going for Jesse James other than alliteration. Jesse is a pretty common last name, while James is one of the most common last names.

Meanwhile, Bo Scarbrough is both a unique name and seemingly a parody of the political commentator Joe Scarborough. I’m not going to go into my thoughts about Scarborough, because I’ve seen the way this comment section reacts to even the slightest bit of political topics right now, but I will say that I very much enjoy the comedians the Sklar Brothers, who once had a podcast that called Sklarbro Country (parodying Scarborough’s “Scarborough Country”). The twin act went to the University of Michigan and are still relevant today with their “Dumb People Town” podcast.

What does this have to do with Bo Scarbrough? I don’t know, but what does a name bracket tournament have to do with football? Just shut up and enjoy.

11. Da’Shawn Hand vs. 3. Desmond Trufant

I severely underestimated the draw of an apostrophe in a name. I had figured after years of both Da’Shawn and A’Shawn and now D’Andre that Hand’s name would be considered commonplace by now, but the third-year defensive tackle pulled off one of the biggest upsets in the first round, beating out Good Job, Joe Dahl.

It’s already the time in the tournament where I start looking up name meanings just to churn out some content in the spaces between polls. Well, here’s what I learned about the name “Trufant,” according to Ancestry.com:

Origin unidentified. Possibly of French origin, from Truffand, a nickname for someone given to mockery or ridicule.

Oof, tough break, you damn Truffand.

7. Romeo Okwara vs. 2. Halapoulivaati Vaitai

The dream of a brothers matchup is still alive, as Romeo, sweet Romeo, slid by T.J. Hockenson in the first round by a score of 62-38. The most underrated part of Romeo Okwara’s name has nothing to do with its Shakespearean origins. No, it’s simply the fact that you can portmanteau his name without losing a letter. RomeOkwara.

I was going to hold onto this a little longer in the tournament, but I just don’t want to risk an upset here. This, by far, is the best revelation about the name Halapoulivaati Vaitai.

It absolutely works, and I’ve never mispronounced his name since. Thank you, Michael Kist.

1. Miles Killebrew vs. 8. Jalen Reeves-Maybin

Still in search of his first Name Bracket Championship, Miles Killebrew had an easy 92-8 victory over Travis Fulgham in the first round. The fact that Killebrew has not lost its allure now in its fifth Name Bracket tournament speaks to some serious name talent. How he has not won this thing yet should be an episode on Netflix’s “Unsolved Mysteries.”

On the other hand, I have reach full name fatigue with Jalen Reeves-Maybin. There’s nothing that feels fresh or interesting about the name. It makes me wonder if the name was ever really any good, like the movie “The Goonies.”

5. Isaac Nauta vs. 4. D’Andre Swift

The name Isaac Nauta almost sounds like a full sentence. “I sick no one.” or “I sick nutter.” I don’t know what either of these sentences would mean, but it speaks to the name’s ability to just roll off the tongue.

There’s a pretty good chance I underseeded D’Andre Swift, seeing how much y’all love your apostrophes, because Swift is one hell of a last name, especially a quick running back. He’s in a very tough region, but don’t be surprised to see him contend for a final four spot this year.

6. Logan Stenberg vs. 3. Jahlani Tavai

The more I think about it, the more I think the name Logan Stenberg sounds like the villain in a college comedy movie. Logan Stenberg is 100 percent the guy who made it into the college—and fraternity—based on his dad’s legacy, and he definitely has a sweater tied around his neck. This guy is definitely named Logan Stenberg.

Jahlani sounds like a creamy, soft dessert. Have you tried this restaurant’s deconstructed pineapple jahlani? It’s to die for. No, it’s Tavai for! I’ll see my way out.

7. Julian Okwara vs. 2. Olive Sagapolu

This is where the Okwara faceoff dreams should die. May I remind you that Olive Sagapolu is pronounced “oh-lee-vay sung-uh-poe-loo.” I’m pretty sure I will keep reminding you of this every time his name comes up in the tournament, because it’s an awesome pronunciation of a great name.

There will be no Romeo and Julian connection in this Name Bracket tournament, and to be honest, that’s the way it should be. Shakespeare was always best at tragedy, not comedy.