The Detroit Lions have Monday off of practice, so it’s time to end this thing.
For the past two months we’ve fought over the most immature of things and hacked a meaningless tournament. In a way, it’s been a perfect representation of the last six months. Desperate for any sense of normalcy, we’ve turned a little name bracket tournament into something much bigger. Some people have decided to bounce a ping pong ball off of pans, others have spent the better half of the summer developing their best phallic puns for a Detroit Lions nose tackle.
I’m not to judge. I’m the one that started this dumb tournament half a decade ago, because I though LaAdrian Waddle wasn’t even a top five name on the Lions team at the time. If we’re scolded for living with passion—even if it’s for something as seemingly trivial as a name—then what’s life truly worth living for?
We have reached the final of the 2020 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament. Fan favorites John Penisini and Dan Skipper have been vanquished. But we are left with one hell of a finals. So do your civic duty and vote.
2020 Lions Name Bracket Tournament Finals
2. Halapoulivaati Vaitai vs. 7. Dee Virgin
Let’s just hear from you guys on the matchup.
“There’s nothing wrong with a sense of humour, but bullying is just wrong! Dee Virgin is rounding third and just might go all the way! I hope he gets is done this year because his roster spot looks bleak. Also, the thought of seeing a music video battle of “Like A Virgin” by Madonna vs. “Play That Funky Music” by Vanilla Ice gives me flashbacks of the 1980’s that (uncomfortably) excite me!”
(Note: I am very, very, very, very offended that you think “Play That Funky Music” is by Vanilla Ice.)
Dee Virgin better win this— J- Okudah For Life (@Lion4lifedet) July 30, 2020
“I was hoping he would become a shutdown CB and we could talk about the Virgin Island.”
Let’s be honest here: Vaitai is a single-issue candidate. His name perfectly goes to “Play that Funky Music.” That’s not to say there aren’t other awesome things about his name (not everyone can pull off a double-a in their name), but a good reason he’s in the finals at all is because of that song. So, please, I want to hear you at home. Sing along with his name.
♫ Ha-la-poo-lee-vah-tee Vaiiiiiii-taiiiiiii ♫
(Poll ends Thursday night at midnight)
Who has the better name?
This poll is closed