Back despite lack of demand, the Detroit Lions Name Bracket is here. For those of you in the know, I apologize in advance. For those that have no idea what’s about to happen, gird your loins.
Every year during the dead part of the offseason, I indulge myself for a month by examining the best names on the Detroit Lions roster. This is supposed to be a celebration of the best, most creative names on the team, but in recent years this has divulged into borderline cyberbullying and rampant voter fraud accusations. In other words, there is nothing more American than the Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament.
Here’s how it works. I have already cut down the Lions’ 89-man roster (plus two players on injured reserve) to what I believe are the top 64 names on the team. I have then seeded them to my choosing and thrown them in a huge, March Madness-style bracket. Over the next month, you will have the opportunity to vote on the best names and advance them in the tournament. All the while, I will be providing my written commentary and personal preferences.
It’s dumb. It’s goofy. It’ll generate 1,000 “Who cares? Is this what journalism has come to?” comments on Facebook. But, damnit, I love it.
This is our seventh annual Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament. Here are our previous winners:
2020: Dee Virgin
2019: Amani Oruwariye
2018: Quandre Diggs
2017: Storm Norton
2016: Jace Billingsley
2015: Ezekiel Ansah
Of those six winners, only Amani Oruwariye remains. He seems like an unlikely candidate to be our first two-time winner, but you never know with this crazy tournament.
Here is this year’s bracket.
Since it’s tiny text, you can see the entire bracket in an online version here.
The tournament kicks off this week, so prepare to go to war for your favorite names. I won’t tell you which name is my favorite, but if Corn Elder doesn’t win, I wish you all a life of eternity at the DMV.