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2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Round 1, Part 2

The madness continues.

After a brief hiatus to cope with the tournament’s loss of D’Angelo Amos at the hands of Jeff Okudah (under mysterious circumstances), the 2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament is back. We’re only at Part 2 of the opening round, which means there are plenty of hijinx left to be had.

The Megatron region is filled with some heavy hitters, including three of the best names from the Lions’ 2021 draft class. So let us waste no time and get right into the names.

1. John Penisini vs. 16. Victor Bolden

John Penisini is such an impactful name that I have to be extremely careful every time I write an article about him. And he just so happens to play a position in which the words “double-teamed,” “penetrate,” and “two-gap“ are often used. Every phrase used to describe him is a potential landmine, and sometimes you just give up and do a full cannonball on said landmine.

The only reason Victor Bolden is on this list is because he continues to frustrate beat writers with his last name. After years of typing in Anquan Boldin, Victor Bolden could power a city with the amount of backspaces pressed in his name.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 83%
    John Penisini
    (526 votes)
  • 16%
    Victor Bolden
    (101 votes)
627 votes total Vote Now

8. Trey Flowers vs. 9 Hunter Thedford

Though this is his third Name Bracket tournament, I still love the name Trey Flowers. It sounds like the name of a restaurant in the gentrified part of town. It’s got pseudo-fancy all over it.

Hunter Thedford is a little clunky phonetically, but it scores major points for originality. Hunter is a great football name, though it’d be better if he played on defense. I’ve never heard the name Thedford before, but I don’t particularly like it. Two hard Ds (damnit, Penisini) in one name makes it unpleasant.

Fun fact: There is a Thedford, Nebraska that has a population of 188. One of its few restaurants is the Cowpoke Cafe, which features happy customers like this one.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 53%
    Trey Flowers
    (336 votes)
  • 46%
    Hunter Thedford
    (289 votes)
625 votes total Vote Now

5. Dedrick Mills vs. 12. Taylor Decker

I know I just talked about how I hated two hard Ds (damnit, Penisini), but Dedrick is an awesome name. Not quite Frederick. Not quite Kendrick. On top of that, it apparently means “power of the tribe”, That’s a winner.

Taylor Decker was a solid name entering the league, but the novelty of an offensive lineman with “deck” in his name has long since worn off.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 55%
    Dedrick Mills
    (342 votes)
  • 44%
    Taylor Decker
    (279 votes)
621 votes total Vote Now

4. Levi Onwuzurike vs. 13. Frank Ragnow

One of the many names in this tournament from Nigerian origins, Levi Onwuzurike knows how to utilize his vowels to the best of his ability. My favorite part of his name is that everything is pronounced in a more interesting way.

Levi isn’t boring old “leh-vee.” It’s “lee-vie.” Onwu is somehow “own,” and my favorite part—rike—isn’t “reich” (thankfully), it’s “ree-kay.” The name is a rollercoaster, and once you learn how to spell and pronounce it, it really isn’t as much of a nuisance as some make it out to be.

I will forever love the name Frank Ragnow simply because of the Cameo it eventually inspired. If you somehow haven’t seen this yet, you’re welcome.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 74%
    Levi Onwuzurike
    (451 votes)
  • 25%
    Frank Ragnow
    (158 votes)
609 votes total Vote Now

6. Alizé Mack vs. 11. Julian Okwara

Mack is simply one of the best last names you could possibly have. It’s short. It’s to the point. It makes me think of one of the best 90s songs ever.

But let’s talk about “Alizé.” It’s not “uh-leez.” It’s not “uh-lee-zay.” It’s apparently pronounced “al-lih-zay.” This is unacceptable. I’m not one to tell people how they should pronounce their own name, but it clearly has to be one of the first two options. For better or worse (definitely worse), we live in a two-party system. Pick a side.

If Julian could team up with Romeo for a doubles tournament, they would make a deep run. Unfortunately, the solo act just isn’t cutting it. It’s not a bad name, but Romeo has taken all the pizzazz out of “Okwara” and Julian just isn’t that interesting of a name.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 58%
    Alize Mack
    (351 votes)
  • 41%
    Julian Okwara
    (246 votes)
597 votes total Vote Now

3. Godwin Igwebuike vs. 14. Jake Hausmann

Where to even start with Godwin Igwebuike. His first name literally starts with God and ends with win. Has there ever been a more boastful first name? I’m not sure if he has a kid, but if he did, I would constantly call him “Son of Godwin.” Igwebuike is just fun to say. I love every syllable of it.

Jake Hausmann isn’t a great name, but every time I see it, I sing out, “She’s a Jake... HAUSSSSSS.”

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 91%
    Godwin Igwebuike
    (547 votes)
  • 8%
    Jake Hausmann
    (54 votes)
601 votes total Vote Now

7. Jermar Jefferson vs. 10. Jonah Jackson

Did you know that the Detroit Lions have three players with alliterative J names? Jermar Jefferson, Jonah Jackson, and Jerry Jacobs. That’s the most double-J names in the NFL (Note: This is an unresearched fact that I could easily look up, but isn’t it easier to just believe something so unimportant?). Anyways, as a fellow J name, I am jealous and joyous of both of these names.

I give the slight edge to Jermar, because I’ve never heard that name before, and it reminds me of the fictional movie within the “30 Rock” universe “The Rural Juror.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 61%
    Jermar Jefferson
    (367 votes)
  • 38%
    Jonah Jackson
    (230 votes)
597 votes total Vote Now

2. Ifeatu Melifonwu vs. 15. Tyrell Crosby

Rounding out the Nigerian influence on this region is the best of the bunch. “Eh-FAH-too” is just an expert use of vowels. I refuse to call him “Iffy.” To me, that’s an insult to the beauty of his true name. That’d be like calling Machu Picchu “brick palace.” I’m sure Ifeatu is fine with it, but only because he’s sick of people calling him “eh-feet-oo.”

Seeing as he’s in the final year of his contract and is in the middle of trade rumors, this seems like it will be Tyrell Crosby’s last tournament. Back in his rookie season, Crosby didn’t even make the tournament. So consider this a potential farewell gift.

Poll

Who has the better name?

This poll is closed

  • 95%
    Ifeatu Melifonwu
    (575 votes)
  • 4%
    Tyrell Crosby
    (24 votes)
599 votes total Vote Now