2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Round 2, Part 2

Tragedy has officially struck the 2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament. It was bound to happen, as it always does. I just didn’t expect it to happen in the dead of the night while no one was looking.

The final region of the first round saw a one-seed tragically fall, and it was likely my fault. I angered a group of people that you do not anger, and it could send shockwaves throughout this tournament well beyond the first round.

Fortunately, you, dear reader, hold the power to stop it. Voting is stronger than any weapon out there, and I’ve seen the kind of damage you can do while wielding it. So, please, avenge our dear right guard before this thing spins out of control.

Here is Part 2 of the second round of the 2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament.

1. Corn Elder vs. 9. Brock Wright

A total of just five syllables face off in our first matchup on the right side of the bracket. They say brevity is the soul of wit but is it the soul of this tournament, too? It seems the longer, more complicated names tend to have deeper runs in this tournament, but Corn Elder is certainly going to put that to the test.

It’s time to take CORN ACTION:

12. Don Muhlbach vs. 4. Jack Fox

Don Muhlbach got his yearly first-round upset, but the Bracket Gods have put him in a precarious situation for Round 2. He’s up against his special teams' buddy, Jack Fox. It’s a classic Captain Kirk vs. Spock fight to the death.

Check that, it’s a classic Chip Douglas vs. Steven Kovacs fight to the death:

11. Romeo Okwara vs. 3. Jahlani Tavai

Okwara rode the popularity of his breakout 2020 season to an upset win over Quinton Dunbar. I don’t quite understand the appeal of his name, unless you pair it with his brother Julian, but this is a solos tournament. That should not be considered.

Interestingly, he goes up against Jahlani Tavai—who advanced despite the fact that he had one of the worst seasons in 2020. Perhaps he’s endeared himself to the fanbase with his impressive weight loss this offseason. Perhaps people actually realize the brilliance of his name. This is a telling litmus test for the voters. Are you truly voting by best name, or are you picking your favorite player?

7. Geronimo Allison vs. 2. Sage Surratt

Erik Schlitt may be sick of the Sage Surratt hype on the field, but in the Name Bracket Tournament, he should not—and can not—be stopped. He won his first-round matchup 96 percent to four, and Geronimo Allison could be the next to get steamrolled. Geronimo is a fine first name, but Allison just ain’t going to cut it deep in this tournament.

16. Joel Heath vs. 9. D’Andre Swift

There it is. The first major tampering of the 2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament. Some wiseguy—or wisegirl, it’s 2021—stuffed the ballots against poor, unexpecting Halapoulivaati Vaitai. That poll received around 1,200 more votes than any other poll in Round 1, and they were all cast against Vaitai.

This is an act of aggression with no clear suspect nor motive. I have a feeling—but no proof—that this was the direct result of my rant against Heath bars. Vaitai did not deserve to be caught in the crosshairs of this chocolatey war. He clearly has one of the best names in the tournament and was one of my favorites to win the whole damn thing. I guess it’s poetic justice that defenders of a bitter, disgusting candy bar would stoop to such a despicable act in the name of revenge.

However, we have set a precedent that voter tampering is allowed in this tournament. So we must push forward with these results. Defend Swift with all of your might. The toffee lovers have descended upon us, and I appear to have angered them.

5. Tavante Beckett vs. 4. Amani Oruwariye

This is a classic consonant vs. vowels matchup. Tavante Beckett hits you with all the tough, forceful consonant sounds. You’ve got three hard Ts, a V, a B, and a hard K sound. It gives the name a real gritty feeling to it. No, not disgusting green belly-buttoned Gritty. The other kind. Saying the name almost puts your face in a natural sneering position, like you’re trying to ward off predators with your teeth.

Meanwhile, Amani Oruwariye is much more pleasant. It takes your mouth on a ride, allowing your jaw to stretch and work its way into a natural yawn.

Given Oruwariye’s general popularity among fans, I assume he runs away with this one, but it should be much closer than that.

11. Damion Ratley vs. 3. Quintez Cephus

The more I see the name Damion Ratley, the more I realized I horribly underseeded him. It’s okay, though. It’s the first time I’ve ever made a mistake on this website, and I challenge you to find at least 1,000 examples to the contrary.

But is his name good enough to take down another overly popular guy like Quintez Cephus? As our Twitch buddy, Mrs. Ruvi, pointed out, Quintez Cephus almost literally translates to five rocks. Quint = five. Cephas = rock (Aramaic). Although, Cephus (with a u) is actually a genus of small sawflies, which is far less menacing.

7. Alijah Holder vs. 2. Alex Anzalone

This is another reminder that it’s not culturally insensitive to pronounce Alex Anzalone with an Italian accent. That’s how it’s actually pronounced.

That being said, if you say his name while doing these hand gestures...

... then you’re probably taking it too far.