2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: Round 1, Part 3

The “Night Train” region of the 2021 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament has one of the stronger groups of competitors in this year’s competition. Not only are the one and two seeds names that could justifiably win this tournament, but they’re also both newcomers, bringing a fresh perspective that is sometimes needed to come out victorious.

There are also a couple of fan favorites in this region, which typically leads those players to go further in the tournament than they deserve. Look out for Jack Fox and Don Muhlbach to outperform their name over the next week or two.

Here are you eight first-round matchups in the Night Train region.

1. Corn Elder vs. 16. Tom Kennedy

Typically, nicknames are not considered in the Name Bracket tournament, and Corn is, unfortunately, not Corn Elder’s true first name. It’s Cornelius. However, he is listed as Corn on the Lions official roster, so let Cornelius be stricken from the record. He is Corn.

Put together with the last name Elder, his name screams cult leader. “Before we prepare tonight’s shucking ritual, we must consult with Corn Elder.” He is my frontrunner right now.

Tom Kennedy is not related to the other ones, so there’s not much there.

8. Dean Marlowe vs. 9. Brock Wright

This is an battle of awesome, authoritarian first names. Dean commands respect as a position of leadership, while Brock is one of the toughest names out there thanks to the extremely-overlooked show “The Venture Bros.”

If these two could just combine forces to become Dean Brock or Brock Dean, we’d be talking about a one or two seed. The last names don’t really do much for me in either case, but at least Marlowe kinda/sorta summons “The Wire.”

5. Kalif Raymond vs. 12. Don Muhlbach

We’ve got another matchup of powerful first names. “Kalif” means “the civil and religious leader of a Muslim state considered to be a representative of Allah on earth.” Meanwhile, “Don” was commonly used as a term of nobility among the Italian culture.

But here’s the difference in this matchup for me: Kalif Raymond is the first Kalif that shows up on a google search of “Kalif.” You’d likely have to go thousands of pages deep to find Don Muhlbach in the search of the name “Don.”

Kalif has the uniqueness that is required for a deep run in this tournament. Plus, I heard everybody loves him.

4. Jack Fox vs. 13. Jason Cabinda

Jack Fox is not a unique name, nor is it particularly fun to say. Yet the combination of the two names works so well that it feels like it came out of a TV script. What’s particularly fascinating about the name is that it could equally be the name of a children’s show character or an extremely gritty HBO cop drama. Say the name with a gravely Will Arnett voice, and he’s Mare Sheehan’s sidekick. Have a six year old say the name, and suddenly Jack Fox is in the Paw Patroliverse.

Not much to say about Jason Cabinda. It has cabin in it. It almost sounds like cabana.

6. Quinton Dunbar vs. 11. Romeo Okwara

Both Quinton and Dunbar are unique enough for this name to really pop. Of course, neither name is completely unheard of, but the combination works very well. It’s a classic more-than-the-sum-of-its-parts name. Part of its appeal is the two-syllable balance between first and last name.

Romeo Okwara’s popularity after a breakout season could give him the upset here, and I suppose it’s important to point out that a football player is named after one of the most recognizable plays in the history of the world. In NFL history, he’s just the third player to don that first name, and he’s easily the most successful. That has got to count for something.

3. Jahlani Tavai vs. 14. Tommy Kraemer

Jahlani is one of the most underrated first names in this entire tournament. I love the way it sounds. I love the way that—despite it being a three-syllable name—it can be said in one mouth movement. Oh, and it apparently means “gift from God.” No pressure, Tavai.

Tommy Kramer is a former first-round pick, who played 13 seasons with the Minnesota Vikings, led the league in passer rating in 1986, and is in the College Football Hall of Fame.

Tommy Kraemer is the ran-through-the-xerox-too-many-times version of that. Okay, that’s not fair. Kraemer is an undrafted rookie who has a legitimate shot to make the Lions’ roster as a reserve offensive lineman, but when it comes to the Name Bracket, he just doesn’t have it.

7. Geronimo Allison vs. 10. Jerry Jacobs

This matchup is just a matter of preference. There is no objective leader here. Do you prefer the one player on the team with a first name that is also an exclamation? Or do you prefer the last in the trio of alliterative J names?

I cannot make this decision for you. It’s time for you and your little baby bird wings to fly on your own. You’re an adult now. I‘m not gonna wipe your butt. You’re gonna wipe your own butt. You handle it and I’ll treat you like men (or women) until you prove otherwise.

2. Sage Surratt vs. 15. Evan Heim

Sage Surratt has everything. Alliteration. A first name that means an incredibly wise person... or a smelly plant. Plus I don’t believe I’ve ever heard the last name Surratt. Although a quick Google search suggests the last name has a bit of a troubling history. Still, Sage Surratt is a top-tier name on this team.

I’m not sure why Evan Heim is in this tournament. Heim means “home” in German. I guess that qualifies as interesting.