Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament: The Finals

You and I have some unfinished business.

With the Detroit Lions on a bye week and Professional Jeremy off taking care of his mental health following what he described as The Tied-Up Jesse Pinkman Watching the Fate of Andrea from the Backseat (don’t click that) of football games, I—Conversational Jeremy—am now free to conclude what should have ended months ago.

Yes, the 2022 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Tournament finals are here, and it’s about time we ended this damn thing.

The tournament, which typically ends in the dead period following OTAs but before training camp, has really trudged along this year. Some would say that’s your fault for not being enthusiastic enough. Others would correctly say that Professional Jeremy is a forgetful procrastinator who begs the forgiveness of the 30 people who are emotionally invested in this (generous estimate).

Perhaps the reason for the Lions’ slow 1-4 start is that the team simply cannot focus on the task at hand without a 2022 Name Bracket Tournament being crowned. Perhaps this is simply a bizarre theory from a desperate person still stuck in the bargaining stage of grief.

Either way, this thing must end.

Here are the two finalists for the 2022 Detroit Lions Name Bracket Championship.

1. Amon-Ra St. Brown vs. 4. Ifeatu Melifonwu

For our finals, I will withdraw my own personal opinions for this matchup, and simply present the cases that you all have made in the comment section throughout this tournament.

The case for Amon-Ra St. Brown:

Via GM in Exile:

For people struggling with the add-on, think of it this way:

Amon-Ra Brown sounds like the color of a paint chip at a bad hardware store.

Amon-Ra SAINT Brown sounds like a touchdown scoring, jersey selling, hacker thwarting sun god.

Forward down the field!

Via DetroiterInDC:

With Amon-Ra in the competition, everyone else is competing for 2nd place.

FROM 2 YEARS AGO!!!

The case for Ifeatu Melifonwu

Via detpistons3

You guys are sleeping on Iffy. Melifonwu is such a fun name to say, and even being a mouthful “Ifeatu Melifonwu” RHYMES, and rolls off the tongue better than the awkward Amon ra st brown. Iffy for the Dub.

Via Funkytime:

Remember, his first name doesn’t have the pronunciation of the word “feat” in it, which would lessen it greatly. It’s pronounced E-fah-too.

E-fah-too Mill-eh-fon-woo is practically unbeatable, IMO. The perfect name.

Via IAMKENBLACK:

I can’t vote for Amon-Ra anymore, it’s unethical. How can a John and Miriam BROWN, create three children named St. Brown?? This is obviously a play at the religious faction to garner unearned votes in this sacred contest.

Voting ends at 11:59 p.m. ET on Sunday night. May God have mercy on us all.