Another day, another set of wagers to gamble your hard-earned money on.
That’s right, it’s time to dig into the nitty-gritty of what’s going to happen on the field, and more importantly, how it’s going to happen. And to remind everyone: Chris Perfett and I are no sage clairvoyants and we do not claim to be. We don’t know much about anything for sure other than Robocop being the best movie set in
Dallas Detroit. Maybe one other thing we know is football can be even more fun if you sprinkle a little something here, and a little something there—or maybe putting casinos in people’s pockets is all a horrible idea.
If you or someone you know is struggling with gambling addiction, the Michigan Problem Gambling Helpline, 1-800-270-7117, is open for crisis intervention and referral to treatment—even during the COVID-19 crisis.
All lines are from DraftKings Sportsbook and may be subject to change.
Chris: You want good odds, because super long odds are usually for suckers. Of course, we here are suckers. We are not the sharps letting you behind the curtain, nor the touts trying to sell you a hotline, we’re not even the squares on radio acting like they’re smart and gushing about how an underdog “covered the spread.” We have just taken a few drinks and pour over whatever sheets we got. We certainly will not, and will never, call the money we wager “shekels” (this seems to be a really old man thing I don’t get).
That said, I think this year I’m going to take a flier on one of these complicated player specials. It’s a lot to get done, but it’s all very exciting to watch the boxes tick. I’ll consider this my long shot, but it’s close enough in the realm of possibility where I’m still comfortable. Both teams to score 20+ points, Cooper Kupp 100+ yards and 1+ TD, Ja’Marr Chase 80+ yards. That’s a mouthful, but you’re getting this at +400. Again, more a flier here but it passes the eye test on how these components all work together.
Ryan: These can feel like you’re constantly scrambling eggs to make a soufflé at any moment during the game, especially when it’s dependent on possession and situation, but hey, crazier things have happened.
Come with me to a place free of worrying about who has the ball, free of one player holding the keys to you cashing out and making something of yourself. Yes, folks, it’s what these teams do best, and it’s their two best pass-catchers centerstage for this special: Cooper Kupp & Ja’Marr Chase 15+ combined receptions & 80+ receiving yards each at +150. Okay, I sold you on a fairy tale and I fibbed a bit, but you’re here now and you’re ready to get nuts. I like the aspect of the reception total being shared, and Kupp’s receiving yards total is set at 106.5, while Chase’s is just a hair shy of that mark in the special at 78.5.
Chris: I also really, REALLY like Both teams to score 2+ field goals in Super Bowl 56 +250. This should be an easy one: both the Bengals and the Rams have kicked at least two field goals in every playoff game so far. I know we’re all in love with the high-powered offenses, but stops happen, and these defenses can certainly fall into bend-don’t-break territory. In six games, the Bengals and Rams are combined for 19 field goals! Both Evan McPherson and Matt Gay have been BUSY.
Ryan: Man, I love what you’re putting down here. Everyone gets all googly-eyed over touchdowns scored and points in bunches, but sometimes, points come by three, not six.
For me, I yearn for the days of yesteryear, when Steve Sabol was gracing us with the words of “The Autumn Wind” and football meant something. When we were a proper country and football was played not through the air, but on the ground. Give me Both teams to score a rushing touchdown in Super Bowl 56 at +150. You mean to tell me I’m getting the same payout as hitting a blackjack for a couple of rushing touchdowns? I’d buy that for a dollar!
Chris: Oh no. Blackjack. It’s happening again.
Our Squares picks
Chris: I think I need you to explain squares to me again, Ryan.
Ryan: I don’t think I’m that man you’re looking for, Chris.
Chris: I feel like a lot of these odds are chasing ghosts. Perhaps you could be more in-depth on the math on this one, but is there a reason why I shouldn’t like Bengals 0:7 Rams +310? Especially as a first quarter. I’m just looking for a sane selection.
Ryan: At +310 odds, those seem almost too good to be true, right? I want to believe Cincy draws first blood in this one, so I’m looking at some real long odds here. The Bengals make their way down the field, the drive stalls, and they settle for three points. The Rams respond in a hurry, a touchdown on a big play. Boom, Bengals 3:7 Rams +550. Chris, is that a spicy meatball or what?
Chris: Bene, bene.
Odds/lines subject to change. T&Cs apply. See draftkings.com/sportsbook for details.