What Just Happened? Detroit Lions ‘Hard Knocks’ episode 1

Well, that was pretty damn fun.

We’re one episode into the Detroit Lions’ “Hard Knocks” series and I wish that this was a show that would get a lengthy run like “The Simpsons” has. There’s a lot to talk about with this first episode, let’s jump right into it.

As always, I have thoughts on this episode, these are those thoughts:

The Dark Abyss

What a way to start this thing off. We saw a glimpse of coach Dan Campbell’s speech at the beginning of training camp already, but we got to see way more tonight. The “we’ll tread water long enough to fucking bury you” quote means so much more now that we know Campbell is talking about fish. What a speech this was.

I also particularly enjoyed the “it doesn’t matter if you have one ass cheek and three toes, I’ll beat your ass” moment. What a start.

Dan Campbell is intense

We already knew this, but watching Campbell scream to “turn the fucking music off” before lighting up his guys during a special teams drill was awesome. I don’t know if HBO keeps a record book, but Dan Campbell has to have set a record for dropping the f-bomb in one episode. I love it.

Campbell fought through a Joe Fauria Injury to do those up-downs

Campbell apparently tripped over his dog gate and fell on his wrist a few days before doing the up-downs with his team. You have to give it up to the guy for fighting through that.

The “Billie Jean” moment was incredible

I had goosebumps. This may have been my favorite moment of the entire episode.

We had heard about No. 2 overall pick Aidan Hutchinson singing Michael Jackson’s “Billie Jean”, but we had not seen the video. I had no idea that the entire room came together and sang in unison. It was just one of those moments where you watch a group of guys together, you just know they’re all on the same page, and they’re having fun with each other.

Malcolm Rodriguez stole the heart of all your wives

Dude came out there and salsa danced, and then my wife asked me if I thought he was good looking. Knowing my wife, this was an excuse for her to bring up the fact that she thinks he’s cute, and I’m sure she wasn’t the only one blushing when Rodriguez was moving those hips.

Player coaches

It was awesome to get that segment where HBO focused on how many of the coaches on this staff used to be players. We got to see some highlights from their playing days that I would bet that most of us haven’t seen. Like seeing Hank Fraley moving bodies at center or Aaron Glenn’s pick-six, where he started high-stepping at his own 25-yard line. I really enjoyed that.

Aaron Glenn vs Duce Staley

You have to love the competitiveness that these guys have. There’s a loving friendship that’s easy to see, but these guys also really want to beat each other. That competitive edge extends to the players and they’re using that as motivation when facing off against each other. You’re being your best when you’re competing.

Tron Helmets

Those weird safety helmets only made me think of the movie Tron. Which is interesting because Campbell does resemble Jeff Bridges. Did Campbell get trapped in a computer and the Lions are just a group of programs? I guess we’ll see when Jared Goff rolls up on a light cycle next week.

Aidan Hutchinson vs Penei Sewell

This is like a 12-round heavyweight bout. It’s been fun to watch these two go at it through camp and it’s nice to see that get highlighted on “Hard Knocks”. Sewell is the best competition that Hutchinson could ask for. It’s nice to see that Hutchinson coming along too.

The end credits

This wasn’t like a Marvel movie where you get to see a spoiler for the next thing coming up. Instead, we got to hear about the stinky bathroom, Taylor Decker’s wardrobe, Duce Staley’s aversion to farting in the running back room, and Campbell dropping a “Deez Nuts” joke. That was amazing.

Also, what is the fine for farting in the running back room?